Kid's Camp 2009

Three and a half weeks ago I didn't think I was doing camp. I had spent hours praying about it and was not getting an answer at all. I didn't understand why but I decieded that if I had not heard from God to go, well, I wasn't going to go. I figured it was better to buckle down and work all summer, get ready to go, etc... Well, some pieces fell into place that, even looking back on it I don't really understand, and I got a week off and got ready to go to camp. This is something that in years past I spend months getting prepared for and now one week before I'm getting a cabin assignment. What is God got in store?!

Camp

So great week at camp... in need of some serious recovery time but posts with pictures soon to follow!

Update

So, a friend pointed out to me at church today that I'm writing in this blog as if everyone knows whats going on in my life. Once I got over the shock that he was right and not everyone knows all details about my life right now, I decided it is time for a recap. Here it is for all of you amazing people out there who care about me and are praying for me and still read my mental wanderings:

• I officially work for International Teams now. They accepted me a few weeks ago and will be placing me in Soroti, Uganda for a minimum of two years- longer if that is God's plan.
• I still work for Saint Mary's but have told my boss about my leaving (a big struggle for me- see previous posts) and will continue to work there until sept.
  
• In September I will leave for 6 weeks of training in Chicago. After that training I hope to return to Saints for a few more months but that is down the road.
• My next BIG challenge is fund raising. I have to raise $30,000 for expenses for the next two years. On top of that I need $2,000 for training. All of this has to be raised before I can head to Uganda. This seems like a huge task and a huge amount but God continually reminds me I just need to trust.
  
• Most of you know Beckie Carlson but for those of you who have never had the pleasure of meeting her she is a good friend and sister to my sister-in-law Christina. We will be doing this next stage of our lives together. (Training and heading to the same place in Uganda.)
• Just one other little thing- my littlest brother (I laugh while I write that) has willingly taken over my house and its bills. However, we have to get tenants in it for that to financially work so we are praying hard that God provides the right people.

So- if all of these pieces fall into place in God's timing we plan to head to Uganda in February 2010. Sometimes that seems so far off but other times it is only 24 weeks away!

Isaiah 41

I'm so glad God is so patient with me. I confessed my fear and them He immediately showed my just how stupid it really was. I'm placing my trust in my job?! In how I can take care of myself?! I'm fearful of losing that? Really?! Why am I placing my trust in the temporary trapping of this world when I serve the King of Eternity? And what is this life anyway? But a speck in the greater picture. What is my time here? But a breath in God's greater picture of things. I'm worried about my comfort and security for the duration of a breath?

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

What I boil this down to- "Don't be afraid. I am God." Thank you Lord for your strength. Thank you for the reminder of how misplaced my fear really is. Thank you for who you are. Amen

Fear

So... I said it out loud for the first time yesterday. I'm scared. I always knew the fear was there but it was not until I was trying to explain why I had not yet officially told my boss... I mean he knew I was planning on leaving but no dates had really been discussed. I'm scared to actually quit. I have a great job, friends at work, a good income, I really like nursing. I don't want to quit. On top of that once I quit, it is like there's no going back. Really, there is no going back anyway, this is what God has told me to do, and I really want to do it and I'm really excited- most of the time. Just once in a while I'm gripped by fear. This is no short term mission trip that I can come home from and go back to life. This will be life. And a good one, but a little scary.
So, now I'm struggling with the fear. I've promised myself- this week I will talk to my boss.

15 weeks

I had a couple of thoughts today that, like a song that plays over and over in your head, would just not leave me alone. Initially these things were like two different songs that I kept flipping back and forth between. You know, like the Kit Kat bar "Gimme a break" commercial and YMCA. But as the day progressed I couldn't stop mulling and the two became the related, then practically the same thought. Really, just more annoing than before because now I couldn't switch back and forth. So, here I am writing about it to just get it all out. Thought I started the day with:

My "to do" list. Urgent vs Important. The world lies to us all the time. It leads me to think that things that are I do are Important by confusing me with Urgent. My house is not as well kept as it should be. The world says that its appearance is important. Is it really? If Jesus were to come see my house would he look down on the fact that I have not cut my grass? Or maybe I should have spent more time just talking with my neighbor. What is actually Important? What lies have I listened to and convinced myself are Urgent? What on my to do list is actually Important? What isn't on there that actually should be? This goes around and around in my head. I don't really know the answers to these questions that I'm asking myself so I try to distract myself with another thought:

15 weeks until I leave for training. Less than 90 days really. So much to do! Everything from setting up an Executor/ Trustee of my estate (I kind of like saying that) to writing a will (really?! Like I've got anything of any value), immunization record and physical on file and a long term work visa through the Ugandan embassy and stuff into storage and stuff to go (what do you take when you are leaving for more than 2 years?!) And fundraising! Lets not even go there!15 weeks! You can see how this could go around and around in your head for a while.

See how these ideas can merge though? What am I supposed to be learning here?