I can't do this, it is too hard. My second night back at work, it was worse than the first. I can't interact with my co-workers, roommates, patents. I just want to run or hide. I find myself practically locked in my room for hours at a time or doing endless circles on the track. What is wrong with me? I tiny part of me wants to just "go back to how it was" because this hurts too much. But the thought of just settling back into life and work is even worse. I can't stand feeling like this but it must mean that I'm a changed person which is good right? Like it is pouring rain and the sun is shining so there must be a rainbow somewhere. (Meanwhile I'm soaking wet and cold and searching the sky for that elusive spectrum of color.) My friends ask how things are going and I mention my difficulties but it is with a smile on my face and a chuckle in my voice. Why?! This is not what I'm feeling! I think it is neither funny nor something to smile about. I feel like I'm cracking up inside and just can't describe any of it.
I'm honestly not sure why I'm sharing all of this in this forum but if anyone is still reading this and praying for me please.... I guess, I don't even know what to ask.
I keep going back to II Corinthians 12:9. I clung to this verse in Burkina for one reason. Now I cling to it for another. But He said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness."
1 comment:
having someone to talk w/ has helped my wife through her tough times recently...we came back from Florida and the overwhelming amount of work and blogs boggled her mind. she was depressed, frustrated, and breaking down...but having me around to listen and reassure her made her fears drift off.
So for us having a trusted partner has helped us through the rough times.
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