Urgent Care

I usually try not to post about my experiences out at Urgent Care but I laughed several times tonight and I want to share the humor. One of my first patients was 7 years old and came in with his mother who evidantly didn't speak english. So here is how triage went-
Me: What brings you in tonight?
Pt's mother: Eh?
Me: It says here he has a loose tooth. What can I do for you?
Pt's mother: Eh?
Me to the patient: Did you get hit in the face?
Patient: Nope
Me: Lets take a look....oh! This is just a baby tooth.
Patient: Yep
Me: So..... what you really needed was the tooth fairy.
Patient and his mother: Eh?
Me: Never mind. The doctor will be in to see you shortly.

Or this patient-
Me: So you stubbed you toe yesterday?
Patient: Yeah. And my 5 mg of methadone every 8 hours isn't cutting the pain.
Me: Eh?

Or this last one-
Me: So what brings you in today?
Patient: I'm sick.
Me: Really? Duh. Can you give me a little more information?
Patient: I'm coughing and stuff.
Me: Come on. Any fever or chills?
Patient: No
Me: Sore throat?
Patient: No
Me: Nausea or vomiting or diarrhea?
Patient: No
Me: So... tell me more about the cough.
Patient: For like 3 days.
Me: You have had the cough about 3 day?
Patient: Yeah.
Me: Do you bring anything up when you cough?
Patient: I guess, sometimes.
Me: Um.... So what you really need is just to go to a pharmacy and get an over the counter cough medicine, stop smoking, and not have wasted our time here. The doctor will be in to see you shortly.
Patient: Can you tell him that I had to miss work to come here so I need a work excuse. Tomorrow and the next day too?
Me: There it is. The real reason that you are here. O.K.