Getting dirty.

Sometimes I just don't like getting my hands dirty and I'm not just saying that because I still have cow dung caked under my fingernails. (The house in Lormoruchbae needed to be "smeared" because a snake was found in it.  "Smearing" involves taking large amounts of cow dung and well... smearing it on every square inch of the floors and walls. Supposedly it keeps snakes out and I believe it as it seems like it should keep everything out.  But it actually dries to a nice hard, less dusty surface, better than the mud walls and dirt floor actually. However, consequently three days later I still smell like cow poop.) Anyway, I'm back in Soroti, after a good meal, a shower (cold though, Soroti has more amenities than Lormoruchbae but evidently power is not one of them at the moment) and my much more comfortable bed... and I can't sleep. I keep seeing the little girl with the liver failure (see the last post).  I'm frustrated with the mother for not valuing the life of her daughter more. But I didn't really do anything either. Should I have offered money and more help in addition to transport?  I try so hard not to create dependency or fall into the mindset of being people's savior but maybe I do too little. What about the extremely malnourished little girl?  I have formula and other protein rich foods. Should I give it?  But where is the line between empowering the family and keeping them from taking care of themselves?  Help and treatment is in Lorangachora, they just have to go get it but it will take some effort and sacrifice on their part. However, if the mother is away from the garden too long will that sacrifice hurt the other children of which I'm sure there are several?  Is it unreasonable of us to expect her to put the needs of the one sick one ahead of the entire rest of the family?  Is this why God put me here- to give food and money?  But how can I help without hurting? I clearly saw the harm of continuous aid while in Nakayot yesterday and I don't want the people of Lormoruchbae to develop those same problems. So we absolutely can't do the same thing here, even if it feels generous and reasonable and helpful and charitable.  It really does devastate communities.  How can I better communicate that I love people and want to help them without just giving them "stuff"?
This would all be a lot easier if I hadn't gotten my hands dirty this week. If I stay further way,more at arm's length, don't get to know them as well. Bring medicine and teach the health workers then go back to Soroti. It doesn't hurt so much then. I wouldn't lay awake at night....