Congratulations Nick and Katie!

When I was 7, he was the adorable little baby I couldn't wait to see come home from the hospital. When we headed off to Kenya, he was 18 months old. I loved taking care of him, protecting him and carrying him around. He was old enough to play with and have fun with, but not yet old enough to be a pain. When I was 15, he was a pain. (But then, what isn't annoying to a 15-year-old?) When I was in college, I was kind of astonished to learn that he was one of the popular kids in high school. And as a young adult, much to my surprise, I learned he was becoming a mature, accomplished young man. Wait, who am I kidding?! I guess that part isn't true, Nick still isn't mature.

It was only after I bought a house and he wanted to live rent free (just kidding!) and he moved in with me that I really got to know him, and began to understand what all the rest of the people had seen in my dorky little brother. He's smart and he's funny, generous, well-read, and he doesn't really care what people think, and those are great characteristics. He never asked me to fix him up with single friends of mine which is good because that would have been really weird.
Good news was he found his own girlfriend. Or she found him. I'm not sure how it happened, but I'm really glad it did. She is a funny, organized, mature and a wonderful, godly woman. They got married two months ago, and I couldn't be happier for them.They bring out good really things in each other and I can't wait to see what God does in their lives.

Katie, you rock, I love you, please take care of my little brother. Nick, I love you too.  I wish you both the best of everything!

 

Kragt family mugging

I love that my family goes along with my mildly strange ideas. When I was home we took lots of pictures with coffee mugs and I turned them into printed coffee mugs for father's day but also did a collage that now hangs by my bed. Here is my cool family:

I love you and miss you guys!!

 

Bobby and Rachel

Its been an emotional week for me. I have some teammates that have had to leave the field suddenly yesterday, rather permanently and I find myself really grieving their loss on so many levels.  They had amazing ministries with runaways and orphan kids living on the streets.  With kids in the area schools. And with neighbor kids who are just around and want to play. I'll miss them and their kids a lot but I'm having a hard time identifying why I'm hurting so much.  Is it over the problems that forced them to leave?  The suddenness of their departure? The hole that it leaves in Team Beyond here in Soroti? That it seems like they aren't doing all that God has created them to do? I know in my head that the last one isn't true but it is hard not to feel it in my heart. I want to see their ministries continue. I want to just stop by and have dinner with them. But more than all of that I guess that in my first few months here, when I was at my loneliest, Rachel was there for me. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know, as this is the first time I'm admitting it.  But when I wasn't sure I was going to cut it here in Africa, I would go over and have dinner with them and Rachel was strangely impressed with me. I have no idea what she saw but it seemed like if she thought I was tough and able to handle it, then maybe I was. Maybe she could see something I couldn't.
Thanks Rachel for your encouragement and for knowing I could manage. I'm going to miss you so much!!

Seems a bit ugly

Two weeks since my last post. Arrived back in Uganda, had some wonderful friends pick me up at the airport and were willing to travel with me as tired and cranky as I was all the way back to Soroti that same day. Getting back in the grove and feeling like no time has passed. Was I really back in the States or did I just dream all of that?  I guess Soroti feels like home, feels normal, if I have been here two weeks already and have not had anything new or exciting to write about. But actually there are plenty of things to write about- just nothing that seems unusual any more.

• Saw a old, old man squatting in the road sharpening his machete on the asphalt.
• While running, Ronnie and I saw a dead dog being dragged down the road on the end of a rope.
• Had a meeting and was told it "starts at 8" but knew that actually means everyone leaves home to come to the office at 8 and the meeting will not likely start until after 9.
• Paid $80 (200,000/=) for a tank of fuel. Wait, I did that in the states too. But here at least I understand why I pay so much.  
• Cobras in teammates yards.

One of  Sliedrecht's Cobras

Obviously, it isn't that there aren't things to write about. I guess it is more that I'm avoiding sitting down and doing the processing that it takes to do a good post. The ugliness around me here is so obvious as I settle back in. After being out of it for a bit it is hitting me harder than before.

• A 5 month baby at church Sunday who looks like a little old lady because her HIV is very advanced.
• The kids as I walk down the street demanding that I give them something with hands out stretched.
• The dishonesty and deceit that is acceptable within the church.
• Unnecessary death and suffering because of lack of medical care, education and false beliefs.
• The filth and trash and dirt EVERYWHERE.
• The lack of care for the environment and their animals.
• The expectations that I can't meet.
• Having to say No all the time to requests for money, help, clothes, food.....

The dumpster next to my house finally got emptied, months after it had been overflowing with trash. After lifting it up to dump it, it was just set back into the mountain of trash that had come out. Even better that any more trash that people put in it will also come out because the dumpster is practically sitting on its side it has so much trash underneath.

I'm being reminded afresh this week that this is not home. Not here in Uganda but not in America either. My citizenship, where I REALLY belong, is heaven. Philippians 3:20. As long as I'm on this earth I'm a foreigner. Nothing will feel right, nothing will be as it should be until I'm really home. Where there will be no overflowing dumpsters to say the least.

Layovers....

Sitting here in the airport with more than 12 hours to fill so I'm going to hammer out a few of these last blogs that were started but not finished....

Try (Tri)

Last weekend I competed in a triathlon. I love to do these and five months ago when I signed up I hadn't swam much (living in a semi-arid country will do that) but I was running often and biked almost daily. Then I got back to Michigan and my new hobby became eating. I didn't run much and this snowy spring keep the bike in the garage. Thankfully a generous person loaned me a wet suit so I managed to at least start swimming but in the weeks leading up the race I wasn't super pleased with how my training was progressing. I figured my goal was simply to finish and be happy with that. And that remained my goal until the first 7 minutes of the race was underway. I was easily mid-pack in the second heat when the gun when off. However, I had the best swim of my life and as we made the final turn of the swim and headed the final 100m back to the beach I realize that I had passed all of my heat and caught the men in the heat ahead of me!! 

See those guys behind me?  All the men went into the water 10 minutes ahead the women!



That meant I was coming out of the water pretty dang close to the first female.  At that point I decided this was no longer a race I was aiming to just finish. So here it is a week later and I'm final able to stop taking Motrin because finally the joints have stopped aching so much.

(Anyone know why this picture distorts so badly every time I post it?)

But I was the 6th Female finisher (and missed 5th by less than 20 seconds) so the aches and pains don't seem so bad.

(8:16 swim, 2:58 T1, 43:10 bike, 0:38 T2, 24:47 run, 1:19:50 finish time) 

Waiting for my heat...



Traveling!!

I haven't smeared sunscreen on before 7 am in 3 months. I haven't killed, well, anything in 3 months- dinner or unwanted visitors. I haven't struggled to be anywhere or do anything "before dark" and as a matter of fact I don't know even exactly what time the sun set as I haven't seen one in 3 months.
But all that is about to change again as I head back in a few hours. I feel like I've got tons yet to do and every one of my suitcases is already too heavy. Please pray for grace from at the British Airways ticket counter in Chicago. Also please pray for traveling mercies. I leave Grand Rapids the morning of the 12th and won't be "home" until( hopefully!) the night of the 14th.

Weep, hope fight, pray

I know I need to write in this space because I haven't in weeks. But for a combination of reasons, I'm having a very hard time.  Right now I'm both without words for some of the things spinning in my head but also feeling so driven to process and write. 

I only know that I'm feeling a certain an enormous amount of heaviness in my heart for the hurt, incomplete, and broken in this world.  That heaviness leaves me in a place of contemplating the depth of our need for Him and for redemption. It also creates an internal battle and dialog that exhausts and frustrates.  It says "have hope - don't quit" while in the very next breath it tricks and whispers "it is hopeless".  It rears its head later to remind me "His mercies are new every morning"  while simultaneously saying "this nasty world is so full of ugliness, pain and sin". 

It weeps and hopes and fights and prays.


On the topic of suffering and pain, I read this a little bit ago ... 

"An athlete, in the midst of a record-breaking run, has never in his life been so fit and strong. Yet his pain-racked body may have never felt so weak. Likewise, in the midst of a spiritual trial, it is not uncommon to be stronger and yet feel weaker than ever before. And to fellow Christians you might seem hopeless. An ultra-marathon champion staggering up the final hill looks pathetic. A small child could do better. Anyone not understanding what this man has gone through would shrink from him in disgust. Only someone with all the facts would be awed by his stamina as he stumbles on."   -Grantley Morris

I know so many people, possibly even myself, that are stumbling on right now. I know that every step is so terribly painful. I feel frustrated and helpless and I only know to pray for God to show Himself to them in their dark places. 

I only know to weep, hope, fight, and pray. 

Answered Prayer

This furlough is wrapping up and it is official- I head back to Uganda June 12th. I've seen God answer so many prayers. The first of which is that I've got a work permit!! This poor thing already looks well used and I plan to wring every bit of usefulness out of it. Also,  I'm fully funded again! I've spent way too much time with my budget and calculator but I know that several more wonderful people and churches that have come onboard with support and God has shown clearly that He has had his hand in it.

After spending the past 3 months talking about what God is doing in Karamoja, I can't wait to get back out there and be a part of it again. I've even already started packing, though it is mostly because I've already accumulated a lot of "stuff" that I want to bring back and I know I don't have much weigh left. (I'm allowed two bags of 50 pounds each.  I estimate that I have less than 20 pounds of room left.)

Thanks everyone for your prayers and support!

My calling is no less sure... just more painful.

Good grief! Where is the time going?! I'm really enjoying being here in the States. Probably too much. I'm going to find it really hard to head back in a few weeks. I'm afraid I'm getting too comfortable, enjoying these comforts, food, good internet, easy travel.... I wish the urgency, the calling, the necessity of being in Uganda was more strongly felt.  Already, the thought of all the goodbyes is enough to wreck me. Had to say goodbye already to my brother, and his wife and kids as they headed back to Pennsylvania. The thought of several more years before I see them again makes me cry even as I type this. My calling to Uganda is no less sure in these times. Just a lot more painful.
Yesterday I read:  

You can’t fully experience, enter into, own, gain victory over, or learn from what you refuse to name.

So today I'm trying to name it. Grief, I guess. Grieving the stuff I don't get to enjoy when I'm in Uganda. Like food, entertainment and creature comforts. I don't like that I'm so shallow but it is the truth. Grief also that I'm not a big part of the lives of my family and friends. I hate being so far away and not knowing what it going on with them. I hate goodbyes because they are so long in between. It will most likely be two, maybe more years before I'm back.  There is a lot of life that happens in that much time.

I also hate that I'm here for six more weeks but I'm already dealing with it. The countdown seems permanently in the back of my mind. Wondering, will I do this again before I go or is this the last time?  Will I see this person again or should be say bye now? Should I be doing more in the limited time I have? Am I already trying to do too much?

So now I've named it. Hopefully I can learn from it... Do you have anything you need to name?

Talking about Uganda

9 speaking engagements last week (including Sunday). Feeling excessively tired today and out of words...

Ministry Fair

My natural predisposition is to introversion and reticence. I can overcome it easily, possibly too well, but I think I won't be talking too much today.

"How are you doing?"

So, how am I doing? I get asked a lot lately. In Uganda, for mental and spiritual health, we ask each other often and expect that the answer won't be "fine" but that we actually consider and answer honestly. Here, I get asked but haven't slowed down enough to answer well. But I don't think anyone does. However, I've tried to pause today....

Isaiah Yoder

I'm genuinely enjoying being here in the states. I was taking care of my 3 year old nephew and 4 month old niece for two weeks. Also taking care of the son of some good friends who were in the hospital giving birth to their second child. (Congratulations Levi & Shannon!)  For the first time in my life I could actually picture myself being a mother.

Meeting his new brother.

Helping me make dinner

I'm also really enjoying doing a bit of wedding stuff with my brother Nick's finance, Katie.  And helping him undo his house from the bachelor pad condition that it has been in for 3 years now.

I'm comfortable and content and a bit afraid of it. I'm possibly too comfortable. I'm loving all my modern conveniences and how easy life is. I love being so close to family and knowing exactly what is going on in their lives.  I love how simple it is to make meals, to get on the internet, to figure out where I'm going and get there on time, how nice it is to speak the same language as everyone I come in contact with, I love than I can have a different fruit or vegetable every day of the week, .... this list could go on and on. So, how am I doing? I'm doing very well and trying not to think of heading back to Uganda quite yet....

I got my work permit!!

Wow, time is flying by. I head back to Uganda in 8 weeks! I found out last week that I've received my much needed work permit which will allow me to work for three years! Thank you everyone who was praying that the needed paperwork would be accepted.  Thank you Lord for providing!!

While here in Michigan, I have several times left that I'll be sharing pictures and talking about what God is doing in Uganda.

• Saturday, April 20^th    Breakfast buffet  9am to 12. Come when you can, leave when you want. 1040 Roger St. NW Grand Rapids  
• Sunday, April 21^st   11am-12pm  Remembrance Church Chapel 
• Sunday, April 28^th  Open house at Remembrance Church. 2pm to 6pm. Come when you can, leave when you want. 

For my friends in other states, I'll keep you posted.   ;-)

In love with Africa. Or Not.

I don't know this woman, or anything about her or which mission organization she is with. I do know she is a missionary in East Africa and resonate so much with this post that I wish I had written it. But I didn't. So I'll share her writing today....

I am not in love with Africa.

Sometimes I hear people say they are in love with Africa, or that they love Africa.

I’m not and I don’t.

If, for a moment, I can lump 47 countries, hundreds of people groups, and more than 2,000 languages into one big clump, I will say that a lot of the time I don’t even like Africa.

Those people who love Africa are, often, those who saw a sunset over the Serengeti, communicated “How are you?” in an accented foreign language, and gave a few coins to begging children and thought these experiences had given them a spiritual awakening.

I have seen thousands of sunsets in Africa (only approximately 8 of those over the Serengeti), communicated a heck of a lot more than “how are you” in a heck of a hard language, and given countless coins to begging children. I’m still waiting for my spiritual awakening.

I take that back.

I’m not waiting. I think I’m in the midst, or throes, of one.

But it isn’t because I saw beauty, crossed language barriers, or called poverty by the names of her children. It is because Africa has brought me to the end of myself and that is where I am meeting Jesus in new ways.

It is because a few years ago a homeless man climbed into my car and gave me directions.

I was downtown Djibouti, lost. Henry was in the backseat. We were looking for the Kenyan Airways office and had passed the statue of Henri Monfreid three times.

“Mom,” Henry said, “you passed the statue of Henri Monfreid three times.”

“I know,” I said. “I can’t find the office.”

There were no street signs or addresses, the telephone number didn’t work and there were no blinking billboards to direct me.

I heard a taptaptap on the window. A man stood there, rapping my window with his cane. He only had a few teeth and his clothes were ragged.

“Madame,” he said, “you passed the statue of Henry Monfreid three times. Where are you going?”

“I’m trying to find the Kenya Airways office,” I said.

“I am the way,” the man shouted and started to open the door. Henry moved over, unsurprised.

“What?” I asked.

“I am the way,” he said and proceeded to direct me to the office.

In three minutes, we pulled up in front of the office. He climbed out and disappeared before I could pay or thank him.

Later, I read John 14:6 where Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” and I thought about that man. I thought about the way he climbed into my car and took me to where I was going. He didn’t stand outside and point me in the right direction. He got in with me, he went with me, he took me there.

That’s how Jesus is the way. I’ve read that verse a thousand times and now, thanks to a homeless man, I understood it better. Jesus is the way. He will get into my life, he will go with me, he will take me to my destination.

No, I am not in love with Africa. I am in love with the Jesus I am encountering in Africa.

(Rachel's blog is here.)

Adjusting and stuff

Here in the states little over two weeks already... still feeling like I live in two worlds. Still find myself having strange thoughts.... for example "Wow, there are springs in this mattress! Nice!" or "Three loads of laundry done and dry in an hour?! How is that possible?!" or even "What do I do with all these choices of salt? I just want regular salt." I find myself marveling over street lights and how clean everything is.
I know that I need to post much more than this but I'm finding it hard to write, possibly because I'm staying with a 3 year old and a 4 month old....

Playing in the snow, watching the kids while Christina packs and helping with a bit of housework...

 A blog may happen eventually....

Solomon turned one!

Many of your blogs are full of pictures of your kids.... wait, stop. The fact that I'm even comparing my monkey to a child scares me so much that I'm not going to think about it any more but here are a few of my favorite pictures of Solomon as he turns a year old some time next week.

Steve and Solomon in his favorite place to sit.

First weeks living with me....

Walking Alongside the Village of Nakayot:

*This was in my latest newsletter so if you've already read that, this is redundant. Sorry. 

Photos by Marian Bach (IT photojournalist)
Article by Ryan Gilles (IT journalist)

Helen knew what the mountains above Nakayot would look like long before she ever saw them. Before that village in northeastern Uganda even existed, Helen had dreamt about it.“I gasped when I first saw this place,” Helen says, looking around at green mountains that stretch up above the village she now calls home. “Because these mountains and this place, I had already seen them over and over in my dreams. When I came here I suddenly felt God giving me a peace of mind.” Peace is something that Helen and countless others of the Karamajong region of Uganda have always longed for, but rarely found. For hundreds of years, bloody rivalries between sub-clans in Karamoja locked the region in a vicious cycle of raids, revenge, and bitterness with tragic results. Cattle raiding has always been the most common form of violence, given the Karamajong’s pastoral nature and each clan’s belief in a divine right to the herds. But the collateral in terms of land, animals, and human lives reaches far beyond the cow pasture. Helen remembers those days of conflict all too vividly. “I would often have sleepless nights because enemies were always near. Even going out to collect firewood was dangerous.” With evident sadness, Helen recounts the day her good friend was killed by a band of passing soldiers while the two women simply tended to their gardens. “This place was a battlefield,” says one local from the region. “Five years ago this was no man’s land. 

Even if you just passed by here on foot you would be sure to lose your life.” But now, the growing village of Nakayot stands where that battlefield once was. Five years ago, the concept of a peace village was proposed in order to bring together members of three warring sub-clans. No cattle were allowed and in exchange for resettling, the village inhabitants would be given land to farm and seeds to plant. Many were skeptical and thought it best to separate the clans as far as possible. But a few believed the opposite. Perhaps real peace might just be possible. Helen was among the first 40 individuals who volunteered to help found the peace village of Nakayot in 2008. “When we first came, there was nothing,” she remembers. “They just told us to bring a hoe and a machete to begin working the land.” Things remained tense in those early days as members of different clans lived side-by-side. “I was fearful sometimes,” Helen says with a laugh. “But in order to survive we had to work together. Eating together helped pave the way to peace I think.” Over the past several years, Team Beyond has committed to walking alongside those like Helen in the village of Nakayot and to working with other NGO partners in order to see peace spread. In its simplest form, that means building relationships, discipling  believers, and encouraging a new local village church. Team Beyond is also working in a new clinic nearby to help provide basic healthcare for the people of Nakayot.  “My life has changed so much since coming here,” Helen says, surrounded by friends as she tells her story. As they listen and talk together, there are no clan lines or rivalries to be seen. In that place they are neighbors. “Whoever comes here doesn’t feel like leaving,” Helen says as her friends laugh and nod. “The peace that started here is spreading. I think many beyond this place are beginning to open their minds to working together.” If you ask Helen whether she misses her life before Nakayote, she will merely chuckle. “Oh no, I am happy here,” she says. “This place is home.”