My calling is no less sure... just more painful.

Good grief! Where is the time going?! I'm really enjoying being here in the States. Probably too much. I'm going to find it really hard to head back in a few weeks. I'm afraid I'm getting too comfortable, enjoying these comforts, food, good internet, easy travel.... I wish the urgency, the calling, the necessity of being in Uganda was more strongly felt.  Already, the thought of all the goodbyes is enough to wreck me. Had to say goodbye already to my brother, and his wife and kids as they headed back to Pennsylvania. The thought of several more years before I see them again makes me cry even as I type this. My calling to Uganda is no less sure in these times. Just a lot more painful.
Yesterday I read:  

You can’t fully experience, enter into, own, gain victory over, or learn from what you refuse to name.

So today I'm trying to name it. Grief, I guess. Grieving the stuff I don't get to enjoy when I'm in Uganda. Like food, entertainment and creature comforts. I don't like that I'm so shallow but it is the truth. Grief also that I'm not a big part of the lives of my family and friends. I hate being so far away and not knowing what it going on with them. I hate goodbyes because they are so long in between. It will most likely be two, maybe more years before I'm back.  There is a lot of life that happens in that much time.

I also hate that I'm here for six more weeks but I'm already dealing with it. The countdown seems permanently in the back of my mind. Wondering, will I do this again before I go or is this the last time?  Will I see this person again or should be say bye now? Should I be doing more in the limited time I have? Am I already trying to do too much?

So now I've named it. Hopefully I can learn from it... Do you have anything you need to name?

Talking about Uganda

9 speaking engagements last week (including Sunday). Feeling excessively tired today and out of words...

Ministry Fair

My natural predisposition is to introversion and reticence. I can overcome it easily, possibly too well, but I think I won't be talking too much today.

"How are you doing?"

So, how am I doing? I get asked a lot lately. In Uganda, for mental and spiritual health, we ask each other often and expect that the answer won't be "fine" but that we actually consider and answer honestly. Here, I get asked but haven't slowed down enough to answer well. But I don't think anyone does. However, I've tried to pause today....

Isaiah Yoder

I'm genuinely enjoying being here in the states. I was taking care of my 3 year old nephew and 4 month old niece for two weeks. Also taking care of the son of some good friends who were in the hospital giving birth to their second child. (Congratulations Levi & Shannon!)  For the first time in my life I could actually picture myself being a mother.

Meeting his new brother.

Helping me make dinner

I'm also really enjoying doing a bit of wedding stuff with my brother Nick's finance, Katie.  And helping him undo his house from the bachelor pad condition that it has been in for 3 years now.

I'm comfortable and content and a bit afraid of it. I'm possibly too comfortable. I'm loving all my modern conveniences and how easy life is. I love being so close to family and knowing exactly what is going on in their lives.  I love how simple it is to make meals, to get on the internet, to figure out where I'm going and get there on time, how nice it is to speak the same language as everyone I come in contact with, I love than I can have a different fruit or vegetable every day of the week, .... this list could go on and on. So, how am I doing? I'm doing very well and trying not to think of heading back to Uganda quite yet....

I got my work permit!!

Wow, time is flying by. I head back to Uganda in 8 weeks! I found out last week that I've received my much needed work permit which will allow me to work for three years! Thank you everyone who was praying that the needed paperwork would be accepted.  Thank you Lord for providing!!

While here in Michigan, I have several times left that I'll be sharing pictures and talking about what God is doing in Uganda.

• Saturday, April 20^th    Breakfast buffet  9am to 12. Come when you can, leave when you want. 1040 Roger St. NW Grand Rapids  
• Sunday, April 21^st   11am-12pm  Remembrance Church Chapel 
• Sunday, April 28^th  Open house at Remembrance Church. 2pm to 6pm. Come when you can, leave when you want. 

For my friends in other states, I'll keep you posted.   ;-)

In love with Africa. Or Not.

I don't know this woman, or anything about her or which mission organization she is with. I do know she is a missionary in East Africa and resonate so much with this post that I wish I had written it. But I didn't. So I'll share her writing today....

I am not in love with Africa.

Sometimes I hear people say they are in love with Africa, or that they love Africa.

I’m not and I don’t.

If, for a moment, I can lump 47 countries, hundreds of people groups, and more than 2,000 languages into one big clump, I will say that a lot of the time I don’t even like Africa.

Those people who love Africa are, often, those who saw a sunset over the Serengeti, communicated “How are you?” in an accented foreign language, and gave a few coins to begging children and thought these experiences had given them a spiritual awakening.

I have seen thousands of sunsets in Africa (only approximately 8 of those over the Serengeti), communicated a heck of a lot more than “how are you” in a heck of a hard language, and given countless coins to begging children. I’m still waiting for my spiritual awakening.

I take that back.

I’m not waiting. I think I’m in the midst, or throes, of one.

But it isn’t because I saw beauty, crossed language barriers, or called poverty by the names of her children. It is because Africa has brought me to the end of myself and that is where I am meeting Jesus in new ways.

It is because a few years ago a homeless man climbed into my car and gave me directions.

I was downtown Djibouti, lost. Henry was in the backseat. We were looking for the Kenyan Airways office and had passed the statue of Henri Monfreid three times.

“Mom,” Henry said, “you passed the statue of Henri Monfreid three times.”

“I know,” I said. “I can’t find the office.”

There were no street signs or addresses, the telephone number didn’t work and there were no blinking billboards to direct me.

I heard a taptaptap on the window. A man stood there, rapping my window with his cane. He only had a few teeth and his clothes were ragged.

“Madame,” he said, “you passed the statue of Henry Monfreid three times. Where are you going?”

“I’m trying to find the Kenya Airways office,” I said.

“I am the way,” the man shouted and started to open the door. Henry moved over, unsurprised.

“What?” I asked.

“I am the way,” he said and proceeded to direct me to the office.

In three minutes, we pulled up in front of the office. He climbed out and disappeared before I could pay or thank him.

Later, I read John 14:6 where Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life” and I thought about that man. I thought about the way he climbed into my car and took me to where I was going. He didn’t stand outside and point me in the right direction. He got in with me, he went with me, he took me there.

That’s how Jesus is the way. I’ve read that verse a thousand times and now, thanks to a homeless man, I understood it better. Jesus is the way. He will get into my life, he will go with me, he will take me to my destination.

No, I am not in love with Africa. I am in love with the Jesus I am encountering in Africa.

(Rachel's blog is here.)

Adjusting and stuff

Here in the states little over two weeks already... still feeling like I live in two worlds. Still find myself having strange thoughts.... for example "Wow, there are springs in this mattress! Nice!" or "Three loads of laundry done and dry in an hour?! How is that possible?!" or even "What do I do with all these choices of salt? I just want regular salt." I find myself marveling over street lights and how clean everything is.
I know that I need to post much more than this but I'm finding it hard to write, possibly because I'm staying with a 3 year old and a 4 month old....

Playing in the snow, watching the kids while Christina packs and helping with a bit of housework...

 A blog may happen eventually....

Solomon turned one!

Many of your blogs are full of pictures of your kids.... wait, stop. The fact that I'm even comparing my monkey to a child scares me so much that I'm not going to think about it any more but here are a few of my favorite pictures of Solomon as he turns a year old some time next week.

Steve and Solomon in his favorite place to sit.

First weeks living with me....

Walking Alongside the Village of Nakayot:

*This was in my latest newsletter so if you've already read that, this is redundant. Sorry. 

Photos by Marian Bach (IT photojournalist)
Article by Ryan Gilles (IT journalist)

Helen knew what the mountains above Nakayot would look like long before she ever saw them. Before that village in northeastern Uganda even existed, Helen had dreamt about it.“I gasped when I first saw this place,” Helen says, looking around at green mountains that stretch up above the village she now calls home. “Because these mountains and this place, I had already seen them over and over in my dreams. When I came here I suddenly felt God giving me a peace of mind.” Peace is something that Helen and countless others of the Karamajong region of Uganda have always longed for, but rarely found. For hundreds of years, bloody rivalries between sub-clans in Karamoja locked the region in a vicious cycle of raids, revenge, and bitterness with tragic results. Cattle raiding has always been the most common form of violence, given the Karamajong’s pastoral nature and each clan’s belief in a divine right to the herds. But the collateral in terms of land, animals, and human lives reaches far beyond the cow pasture. Helen remembers those days of conflict all too vividly. “I would often have sleepless nights because enemies were always near. Even going out to collect firewood was dangerous.” With evident sadness, Helen recounts the day her good friend was killed by a band of passing soldiers while the two women simply tended to their gardens. “This place was a battlefield,” says one local from the region. “Five years ago this was no man’s land. 

Even if you just passed by here on foot you would be sure to lose your life.” But now, the growing village of Nakayot stands where that battlefield once was. Five years ago, the concept of a peace village was proposed in order to bring together members of three warring sub-clans. No cattle were allowed and in exchange for resettling, the village inhabitants would be given land to farm and seeds to plant. Many were skeptical and thought it best to separate the clans as far as possible. But a few believed the opposite. Perhaps real peace might just be possible. Helen was among the first 40 individuals who volunteered to help found the peace village of Nakayot in 2008. “When we first came, there was nothing,” she remembers. “They just told us to bring a hoe and a machete to begin working the land.” Things remained tense in those early days as members of different clans lived side-by-side. “I was fearful sometimes,” Helen says with a laugh. “But in order to survive we had to work together. Eating together helped pave the way to peace I think.” Over the past several years, Team Beyond has committed to walking alongside those like Helen in the village of Nakayot and to working with other NGO partners in order to see peace spread. In its simplest form, that means building relationships, discipling  believers, and encouraging a new local village church. Team Beyond is also working in a new clinic nearby to help provide basic healthcare for the people of Nakayot.  “My life has changed so much since coming here,” Helen says, surrounded by friends as she tells her story. As they listen and talk together, there are no clan lines or rivalries to be seen. In that place they are neighbors. “Whoever comes here doesn’t feel like leaving,” Helen says as her friends laugh and nod. “The peace that started here is spreading. I think many beyond this place are beginning to open their minds to working together.” If you ask Helen whether she misses her life before Nakayote, she will merely chuckle. “Oh no, I am happy here,” she says. “This place is home.” 

"Follow hard after you"

You, God, are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
    my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
    where there is no water.

 I have seen you in the sanctuary
    and beheld your power and your glory.
 Because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.
 I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands.
 I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

 On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night.
 Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
 I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me.

                                                       - Psalm 63:1-8 

I was asked a week or so back what my long range plan in Karamoja was. Or what did I desire to see there 5 or 10 years down the road? Initially, I felt a bit guilty because I don't have an answer to those questions. The truth is that right now my goal is to daily live more like Jesus and let him impact those around me. I don't know yet how Jesus will be working on me a year from now, thankfully he gives it to me slowly, but consequently, I don't know what my future ministry in Karamoja will look like.
I think, for a time, I've had the attitude that God sent me to Uganda to save Ugandans. Yet, that is pretty prideful and really not accurate. God can do anything without me. He doesn't need me here to do anything. So possibly he brought me here to grow closer to him and save me.
When reflecting on this, it became clear that with my initial attitude it is possible to keep loving and serving the Karamojong as long as I saw results. But we don't always get results. And we get to keep loving and serving regardless so it can get really hard. But if my goal is to be ever more like Jesus, I can keep loving and serving no matter the frustration or rejection or hardships.
In verse 8 of the psalm above, some translations say "follow hard after you" instead of "cling to you." I can relate to that. Some days it feels like clinging, just holding on for dear life.  But other days it is running hard, all out, panting and trying to keep up.

And I want to challenge you to mull it over too.  Some one very smart once told me (I think it was my mom) "You are either a missionary or a mission field".  I hope as you read this you know you also are a missionary.  But even as I've been journaling about it for the past weeks I know it is easy to write and a different thing altogether to live. On 2/23 I wrote... This is hard. Especially as I sit here tonight, having written all those things this morning. I had such high hopes for the day. At that time I had a hot cup of tea, a good night's sleep and a beautiful sunrise happening in front of me. Not I'm easily 4 hours past sunset and still up. I have chicken crap in my hair and no water to shower with. I've got another cup of tea in place of dinner and this time with sour milk because there is no place to get fresh in this stupid town. I'm beyond annoyed with people in a culture where "alone time" is a curse, or at least something that has to be prevented at all costs. Now living and loving like Jesus seems impossible and really, why am I even trying?! 
So, don't get me wrong. I wrote this stuff, but I know it isn't easy.  I'd like a group of people far easier to love, in a place with a lot less snakes, scorpions, thorns, dust and a lot more food and water. And I bet you could say you'd like people who wouldn't judge you for what you believe, or are willing to slow down and listen. But none of this is the point. I'm here to learn to be like Jesus. You are too. We get to figure out how to follow hard after him or cling to him, whatever the day requires. To earnestly seek him and allow him to affect the people around you. I'll be praying for you as we figure out how to do that!

Mostly stuck in bed...

Thanks everyone for praying!! I know I promised an update yesterday but I find myself sicker than I've been in a long time. Pictures and posts are coming as soon as I can consume solid foods again....

Prayer Requests

I only have a few minutes before the sun comes up and I have to hit the ground running today but I want to ask for your prayers before I head into Karamoja.  I’m planning on heading up to Kangole today and then out to the peace village Sunday. There are several new churches there and I’ll be worshiping with one. I hope they don’t feel like they have to ask me to teach but I know Ugandan culture well enough to know that they will. Please pray that as I speak I’ll bring the words that they need to hear.
Also, next week I’ll be doing some training of the village health workers and possibly of the local midwives. I’m feeling unprepared but want to give education that is helpful and encouraging. I'm sure there will also be sick people and lots of requests for medication...
On top of that we will also be doing some vet work and just spending time in the peace communities discipleshiping (is that a real word?) and spending time with people. Please pray for our time up there, that God will use it to His glory.  I’m not exactly sure what this next week will hold but I am just feeling like it is really important for you to keep us in your prayers.  I’ll update when I get back on the 25th!

Hobbies

Sorted the cranberries and almonds out of some trail mix friends left me. 

You may not think this is blog worthy but it made my day so it gets a post. Yesterday I managed to make a cranberry, almond rugelach (Rug·e·lach  /ˈrəgələKH/ Noun: A bite-size cookie of jewish origin made with cream-cheese dough rolled around a filling of nuts, poppy seed paste, or  jam) which tasted awesome!! I shared with team mates and the nurses out in the clinic.

Cut them, rolled them then baked them up! 

Tried to take a picture of the clinic staff having out usual "breaktea" together, this time with American tea and the sweets, but they were horrified that I was going to take the picture with dirty cups and plates in it. So they cleaned them all up before they would let me take the picture. Oh well. 

On another hobbies related note I’ve also built a hydroponics system in my back yard. One year ago a visiting team build this system for the street boys home (history here and here).  The homeless boys and their "counselors" had managed to get it to work but it was really not flourishing the way I expected it to. So last month when they had to move from their previous location to a new place I offered to help them move it and they said they were not in a position to reconstruct it at their new place yet, so because it had 4 living fish in it and I couldn't just let them die I ended up with the whole mess. And because I don't have a bath tub to keep tilapia in, I took a day, dismantled it, transported it, reassembled it and refilled it back at my house. I've been adjusting and tinkering with it for weeks now and it finally seems to be taking off. The fish have grown about a 1/2 inch and there are a variety of fruits and veggies in it.  I don't expect to be here for harvest but in the not so distant future I expect the Tiesenga family will be having  a dinner of fresh fish, green beans and watermelon!

I estimate that I lose almost .5 liters of water a day to evaporation but it is better now that it is partially shaded. 

The top section where the fish food grows. 

You will have to trust me that there are fish living in there. 

Beans for the nitrogen, watermelon for future shade, and lettuce and spinach because I like them! 

God reminds me of His sovereignty

Sometimes I think I know what I need and I pray for it and then I don't get it and I get frustrated and there are times that  I just have to deal with the frustration.  But then there are other times that God reminds me that He knows better than I do what I need and He shows me how well He provides. Last week was that for me. There was a team coming from the states to do some serious work in Karamoja and to be brutally honest after coming off all the work from the wedding we were not at all prepared for them. I was dreading it and trying to figure out how I could get out of  spending another long, hot, tiring week in Nakayot.  And yet it turned out to be the highlight of my year so far. Over and over again God reminded me of his proximity and how He knows exactly what I need and how well He provides.
I wish I had the ability, time and space to detail all of what God did but mostly you had to be there. Here are just a few snapshots:

I mean, who WOULDN'T be intimidated by this? 

I was feeling stressed and anxious about being the main liaison between the CLIDE Ugandan team and the E3 American team. There are often missed expectations and hurt feelings on big projects like this.  But it wasn’t even an issue. I felt so reassured when I saw  several familiar faces from last year that I didn’t know were coming, even got a hug, and it seemed just like God was reminding me that He has it all taken care of. I know this doesn’t seem like much but really it was.
This group of visitors were awesome. I can’t even begin to describe their great attitudes and servant’s hearts in a place that can be VERY difficult.

Willing to walk long miles if the vehicles couldn't make it. 

Some of them gave up their tents, they gave away their food, even shared their toilet paper. I’m not sure I heard a word of complaint in all the days they were here. I was anxious about attempting clinics because of issues and violence in the past but all 4 days went, overall, well.

God blessed us with several cool, overcast days which was a miracle as right now the sun BAKES Karamoja with temps around 110 and sun that is unrelenting.

But we got a reprieve!

We were well received, which doesn't always happen but, as prayed for, God had gone before us!

I could go on and on with all the blessing and ways God provided for us. Like safe travel. 

(I did get stuck in the mud one time. We had to unload and several people had to push but it was relatively easy and didn't delay us long.)
Besides all of the other blessings, these guys were were a really fun group to work with.  God reminded me that even though I can be strong and do this on my own, I don’t always have to. He will provide teammates to share the burden and the challenges with. It was a really comforting reminder.  There were so many reminders to me over this week of how God is working in and around me!

Big news

I've gotten some feedback that I possibly shouldn't have left the end of that last post hanging like that. I want to clarify that I am NOT engaged to be married nor do I even have a boyfriend (contrary to the precident that my teammate Beckie has set). My big news is only that I officially have tickets to come back to the states.  My permission to stay in Uganda is about to expire again and the new work permit through CLIDE isn't going to be ready. So it is sooner than I was expecting (and actually sooner than I'd like) but I'm arriving back in Michigan March 11th. I was looking forward to coming back for my brother's wedding and this whole work permit thing has just helped me clarify the dates.
But that means that I have just 29 short days to get ready to be back in the States. Please be praying for this time!! I was feeling a bit pressured with a busy schedule to begin with and now I have to pack up two houses and prepare to go on top of the stuff I was already planning.
However, I'm missing family and friends something fierce right now and can't wait to be back with you all!!! See you soon!

Catching up...

Ugh, I hate it when I get so far behind on this blog and I just don't even know where to start...
I feel like the last few weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind and I have a day or two coming to catch my breath but only a day or two because it doesn't look like it is about to slow down. Now that the road to Nakayot is finally open I have lots of things to do and am planning two trips back there in the next three weeks. But wait, I need a few more hours to look back before I start looking ahead again...
God just blessed me with an awesome week in Karamoja with a visiting team that was full of energy, servant's hearts and passion. It was a blessing to work with them and has done wonders to renew my focus.

It also helped to laugh until my sides hurt a few times.

We stayed in a game park just before they left Uganda and some strange things happened. 

I promise in the next few hours there will be more posts and pictures (though most will be shamelessly stolen, thanks Brian!,  as my camera seems to have given up the fight) and updates as I also have some fun news to share!

Canning

As I'm in Karamoja more and more I've been getting sick of posho and beans and I'm all out of granola bars and packages of oatmeal so I've needed to get creative on meal ideas. The only vegetable I can get up there is cabbage and meat is pretty much non-obtainable without skin still on. So,  I'm pretty proud of this most recent project. I went to the market here in Soroti and bought every vegetable they have- carrots, green peppers, onion, tomatoes, and eggplant and added a few from my garden- spinach and zucchini and made a vegetable marinara that has enough vitamins in it to knock your socks off. Then I added half a kilo ground beef for protein so when I cook up some pasta I have a meal that is better than anything I can get up there.  But no refrigeration  So.... pulled out my canner.  In just a few hours I managed to create 6 meals that will be ready to eat in shortly after I get the fire lit and a bit of water boiling.

Sadly, I've not managed to figure out how to warm it on my manifold yet but I'm trying.
On that note- headed up again today!

Catering a wedding of 4,000+ (last wedding post. I promise!)

I spent a lot of my time on the days surrounding the wedding in the "kitchen" (a giant space under a shade tree with fences build around it to keep people from wandering in and out) helping out where I could with these wonderful ladies. There were almost 50 women making it all happen from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon.  These 5 oversaw the controlled chaos. 

Peeling pounds of potatoes. 

Always several cooking fires burning. 

Cutting up 20 freshly slaughtered chickens

OK, it wasn't just ladies. One man worked. Cutting up two bulls. 

Another of the ladies cutting chicken but you can just see the mountain of cabbage on their right that needed to be cut when they were done with the hens.  

You can't even imagine how hot it was in the sun around these monster hot pots. Easily 120 degrees .

Around 6 am two bulls were butchered for wedding day. This was about all that was still to be cut up by the time I arrived at 9am.

Just two "small" pots of beans for those that don't eat meat. 

I tried to take a picture of all 10 cooking fires....

There were so many dishes to wash!  This was just the cups station. 

My favorite part? Serving! Long lines with food served out of trash buckets but no one complained!