I think I have figured out why the blog tapered off so much this year. Besides, #1, straight up laziness, and #2 lack of desire to process life and think deeply, there is #3. Somethings that I experience I just don't even know how to explain...
The other day I was so embarrassed by all that I own. I mentioned the snake in the hut in Lormoruchbae which led to the need to "smear" and in order to do that everything in the house had to be taken out and piled outside until the dung could dry and harden. Try to pretend everything you own is put in your front yard where every one of your neighbors can see it. And pretend your neighbors own nothing.
As I was looking at all the stuff I "need" to survive up here I hated it all. But I know I really do kind of need it. The kids all kept wanting to play on the mattress. And I really wanted to let them because they have never experienced a mattress before. Most of them sleep on plastic feed sacks, if they are lucky they have a thin blanket too but I know for a fact most don't. What was the harm in letting them play on the mattress? That was the kind half of my brain. But the pragmatic half was screaming that these kids are filthy! The mattress was in the dust on the ground (there is no ground besides dust in the village) and there is NO way for me to clean it and I actually do have to sleep on it and I really can't let them play on it.
Several of the women came up and asked for basins or jerry cans and well, I do have 4 each. These ladies probably have one or two for their families of 6 or more people. But 4 jerry cans hold only 80 liters of water and when I am up there for several days at a time 80 liters of water for cooking, washing and drinking is actually not that much. And basins- also for cooking, bathing and washing, 4 seems reasonable. I "need" them! I can't just give them away. But ugh! That is so selfish of me!! I hate the way that sounds even as I write it.