Triathalon

So I raced this weekend and it felt really good. I took 8th in my age division and 221st overall with a finish time of 2:00:56. (My goal was under 2 hours and by my watch I made it.) The swim was one of my best yet, even though I got kicked so hard it brought tears to my eyes (or would have if I wasn't face down in the lake. If you want to see the bruise just ask... ) I was in and out of the water in 16:00 minutes flat. The bike course had about 16 more hills than I remembered and took more than an hour. I made up serious time on the run though with two miles under 8 minutes. I did all 4.5 miles in 39 minutes so I'm quite pleased.
Some of you may have heard the story of the dad who has finished an Iron Man with his handicapped son. (I you haven't you have to see this video http://www.myteamtriumph.org/) They raced this sprint tri in preparation for their next big one and that was fun to be a part of. It increased the number of cheering spectators if nothing else!
The results are posted here if you know anyone else who did it. It was the "Tri Del Sol" http://www.tridelsol.com/index.php Thanks to all who were cheering me on. My next one will be slightly less competitive at Cran Hill.

Follow up to last post

So we made it 120 miles!!! It took us 5.5 hours to get there at 6.5 to get back. BTW the path is NOT paved the whole way.

It looks heavy.

Beckie and I are planning to put in about 100 miles this weekend. To Big Rapids and back. (So I got some sweet pannier bags. She'll carry the tent and I'll carry our "stuff".) She thinks that we can make it in less than 5 hours- I thought about reminding her that we have to turn around and come back in just over 12 hours but decided not to. This could be interesting.

$1,000 later

So the "new" bike is finally done. A bit more than I thought I was going to invest in this piece when I first saw it. I hope to race on it next weekend but I really should put some serious milage in on it first....

I remember when I was good at my job...

So yesterday was technically my first day out at Southwest. I hate this feeling of not really knowing what I'm doing (but I keep assuring myself that it will pass quickly... I hope) We didn't see too many patients, just enough to remind myself that this is not a patient population that I'm familiar with. At one point my preceptor opened the chart on a new patient and said something like we'll take the ear infection. As we headed to the waiting room I saw the chart and thought she was looking at the wrong one - "Not eating and diarrhea". Nope, sure enough- by the time the doctor was done with his assessment the baby had a diagnosis of an ear infection. I have a lot to learn.

Change!

I know I have not posted in far too long but life was pretty status quo- felt like nothing to write about. Then Jenn left for Denver and Rachael to New York- I though I was going to lose it but God blessed me with a new job opportunity and consequently new writing material!! I'm going to be an ER nurse. So I have only three charge shifts left on IIU and to say I'm counting the hours would be an understatement of grand proportions. I have very few details about my new job except it will be 8 hours, 4 days a week. I hope to have some good stories....

Frustrated

So I've been chewed out for not posting more often but I just don't feel like life here is nearly as exciting as life, well..., anywhere else. I mean who wants to hear about my continual frustration with being in charge every freaking shift, being perpetually understaffed and having an never ending supply of patients here out of their own stupidity. (Yes, if you don't pay your prostitutes' pimp he will make your life miserable and if you get drunk and stoned before you decide to seek medical attention and make my life miserable by cursing at me every time you see me, I refuse to work extra hard to help you back out of your misery!)

Maybe my biggest frustration is that I just don't know what God has in store for me. I was so sure I'd come back from west Africa with a clear plan for the future. I just don't feel like He is clearly calling me back to the mission field right now. So.... what am I supposed to be doing? Lord, what is my purpose?!

8 weeks

So I've been home 8 weeks already... I really need to write the return letter to all of you that have supported me but I have been putting it off thinking that any day now I would have a clearer idea of what the near future held. I really wanted this letter to let everyone know my next step but I would have to know that to include it so that won't be happening. This holding pattern has no end in sight so I'd better get cracking on the letter regardless. I can't really even contain my frustration yet I have to wait on God's direction because it is not about what I want. So for now I will continue to practice Patience and in the mean time get my letter in the mail....

things I found...

Here are some of the random things I found while cleaning the clinic...

A biohazard clean-up kit, two disposable high temp cauteries (that I couldn't figure out how to dispose of) a container that held scalples in cork, a HUGE box of condoms (the kids were all under the age of 14), trays of glass syringes, ASA measured in grains with no expiration dates,

an LP tray that had lido in it that expired many years ago that also had a glass syringe, an ambu bag that cracked on both sides when I picked it up, a "quick trach" kit that seemed like it would cause more harm than good, a gas mask, 10 liters of saline that were older than me...

shelves

Just more pictures of the crazyness at the clinic and the end result.

Superheroes

I seem to always need a project and the next big challenge ahead of me is camp. As most of you know I have done kids camp every summer for something like 10 years now (if you count the years I was a camper I think I'm up to 14 years). This year I agreed to do the material which is proving to be a big challenge. The theme is superheroes and spiritual warfare. Two topics that I don't really consider myself highly knowledgeable about. For kids 3rd to 7th grade, an age range that I also don't consider myself proficient with. So once again I have to admit to my Lord that I'm unqualified for the job in front of me. The good news is that anything good that comes out of this will be his work, not mine. Father God- please use me. Speak through me. For this to have any effect whatsoever it needs to be your words not mine. Please guide and direct as I attempt to write these words. Thank you for the answers that I know already that you will provide. Amen

UNO

I have not played UNO in more than three weeks. I think I'm going through withdrawal. So Sunday I made my sunday school class play with me. Thanks guys for putting up with me.
I can't seem to stop myself from continually comparing cultures:

It is all in how you look at it.

So I had lost perspective. In the proces of transitioning back to life in the states I seemed to forget that the lessons that I learned in Burkina are just as applicable here. I'm still nothing more than an empty vessel, a reminder that I need more often. I may be more comfortable here and seem better equiped for my daily tasks, yet I'm really just as in need of my savior to guide and direct me all day long- and as long as I'm working 3rd shift all night too!
A few of my co-workers know of my struggle here at work. I feel like it is time to get some more experience that I can use in the future on whichever mission field I end up on but I'm afraid God's telling me to stay where I am for now. I'm trying to be patent and listen to God's direction but it is really hard. This is just another lesson I thought I had learned in Burkina yet seem to have forgotten. Something may be hard but abiding in my Lord will give it purpose and I don't really need to know why- even though I may ask over and over.
I'm looking at orginizations for long term placement but I'm back to where I was before I left. I have so much to learn and so many possibilities yet so few options that really feel feasable. It all seems so overwelming sometimes....

Father- I give all of it to you. Please continue to teach me to abide. Show me open doors but also help me to be willing to wait if I need to stay where I am. You have a plan that is better than anything that I could come up with and I know that you hold the ultimate design for my life. This will bring more peace and joy than anything I could do on my own. Thank you Lord. Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a man's heart

but it is the

Lord's purpose that prevails.

Run or hide (most likely run)

I can't do this, it is too hard. My second night back at work, it was worse than the first. I can't interact with my co-workers, roommates, patents. I just want to run or hide. I find myself practically locked in my room for hours at a time or doing endless circles on the track. What is wrong with me? I tiny part of me wants to just "go back to how it was" because this hurts too much. But the thought of just settling back into life and work is even worse. I can't stand feeling like this but it must mean that I'm a changed person which is good right? Like it is pouring rain and the sun is shining so there must be a rainbow somewhere. (Meanwhile I'm soaking wet and cold and searching the sky for that elusive spectrum of color.) My friends ask how things are going and I mention my difficulties but it is with a smile on my face and a chuckle in my voice. Why?! This is not what I'm feeling! I think it is neither funny nor something to smile about. I feel like I'm cracking up inside and just can't describe any of it.
I'm honestly not sure why I'm sharing all of this in this forum but if anyone is still reading this and praying for me please.... I guess, I don't even know what to ask.

I keep going back to II Corinthians 12:9. I clung to this verse in Burkina for one reason. Now I cling to it for another. But He said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness."

Pat this one is for you

The library that you worked so hard to set up seemed to be a huge success. The day that I took these pictures was a thursday afternoon (the kids have this one afternoon off with no class- usually they like to go out "into the bush". )

There were no empty chairs and they were keeping your librarian busy!
This is unlike anything else they have to do in their "free time".

Now what God?

The thought ran though my head way too many times tonight that maybe it’s time to get off this unit. Several times while I was seeing kids with rashes I didn’t recognize and considering stitching or stapling things I thought it would have been nice to have seen something like this somewhere else first. I loved this unit at one time but that love is gone so maybe it is time for me to go too. I’d better give it a few more weeks before I do anything rash (Greg said don’t make any major decisions in the first week you are home) but maybe I’ll start to look...

Back at work...

Wow, it feels like I've been gone way longer than 6 weeks. Amiodarone and nexium drips (a couple of the easiest, no titration needed) but I didn't miss this stuff at all. Also in charge.... as my co-workers know my least favorite responsibility. Coming back is harder than I though it was going to be. Not because I can't remember my computer passwords or that I have lost all of my time management skills (For those who have been to Africa do you know what I'm talking about? I would ask what time something is, for example church on Sunday morning, and be told après, which means later or after, no after what or how much later, just après. In Africa there is no problem if you show up for something an hour or more late. Waiting is just a way of life.) Anyway, back to my struggle at work. I came home knowing pretty clearly that Village of Hope is not where I'm supposed to be long term but God did solidify that I'm supposed to be working in Africa. I wish I could describe how I know but there was no audible voice or writing on the wall. Just a perfectly clear conviction. So now I'm back to struggling with where, when, and with what organization. Meanwhile, I want to do a good job at work but just can't get my heart back into it. This is really hard.