Update

So... I have not posted in a while. I may be writing to myself right now as all my readers have fallen to much more exciting blogs- or at least ones that post occasionally. But that is O.K. because I have no problem talking to my self, why should this be any different? Besides, it clears my head.

But for those of you who may still be there, fear not. More adventures are comming. I have applied to and (mostly) been accepted by International Team to go back and work in East Africa. The tenative date is January 2010. Seems a long way off... but it is really only 9 months away. I need to finish the application process, get some training, get rid of my house and most of my other worldly possessions and raise a little money. OH MY GOSH!!!
This thing that I have talked about since I was 15 may finally be real! What have I gotten my self into?!

My one and only "political" post

I generally avoid topics like this but there are acceptions to every rule...

I have a financial advisor. Yes, you read that right.... now when you are done laughing refocus with me here. I don't have much money so all the more reason to invest it wisely. His monthly update e-mail that discusses financial topics (mostly- don't worry about a lack of gains) but at least it got me thinking. Read on for some food for thought.
Lately if you listen to practically any talking head current world economics comes up. Topics fall into one of two areas: Capitalism & Socialism/Communism. But I want to interject one more option. How about God's economic system? If you are a child of God, you have been set free to be part of God's economic system. Which system has the highest returns and rewards? The capitalist system is flawed with self seeking gain and greed.The socialist system if flawed with slavery, entitlement and lack of production. God's economic system promises that Godliness with contentment is great gain. Jesus promised that He is the way, the truth and the life. He promised if you will seek HIM first, all these other things will added to you. He promised if you will be faithful with little you can be trusted with more. Jesus promised if you try to save your life you will loose it, but if you loose it for HIS sake, you will save your life.
Where are you investing?

People

Was listening to this song by Chris Rice a few minutes ago, a good reminder for me and I thought maybe you too.... Here are a few of the words that grabbed me:

Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So nobody's rich, nobody's poor
We get 24 hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest, or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much

Was God pleased with all of my minutes yesterday? After all, He gave them to me. The good news is today is a new chance. May He be pleased with today's few hours. May I remember that all life that He gave has value. Both my life and all of the lives that He put around me. They all have value. And I have a few minutes to give to each so I will do my best.

I needed this reminder right now. In the last 10 days- I have worked 9 shifts of at least 8 hours- several were a lot longer. Lets say I see 20 people a shift- UC is seeing far more but the other nurse takes half. But most patients bring at least one other person.... anyway- round numbers I came in contact with 200 people.... Did I do what God asked of me with all of those interactions?

I found myself getting easily frustrated with people last night... but I have a few minutes that I can give, that we given to me. How am I using these few minutes? People were seeking my help for one reason or another, what am I offering?

This was good. I needed an attitude check. Thanks for listening to me. Now, if you have to come see me tonight I will be slightly more empathetic.... God has given so much to me, I have so much to share.

I'm guessing you do too. Good luck.

Missing

I have not ducked under a mosquito net to sooth a crying infant in weeks. I have not rinsed my dishes in bleach or walked to work just as the sun rose. I have not tried to convince a sleepy baby to take 10 mls more milk or woken at 5 am to the sound of cows . These things that only two months ago seemed strange, now I miss them!
But the reason that I'm thinking about this is that things are going well with the application process to International Teams. I managed to complete the long forms and we have started to discuss when to start training. For better or worse it is looking like Sept/Oct. For anyone who knows me you know that I'm praying for patience now harder than ever. But God's timing is always right and I will wait- even if it kills me.....

Busy

For better or worse work has been crazy busy which seems to help keep me more content. I have not forgotten about blogging but as long as it is flu season and we continue to see more than 50+ patients a day I won't be writing much. Besides who wants to hear about viral gastroenteritis, liters and liters of IV fluids and more low grade temps than you can imagine. I would like a recording of myself talking about getting enough rest, enough fluids and adequate hand washing. Then I would just play it with every discharge and save myself hours per shift. (Caution I'm about to revert to nurse speak:) But on the up side I was there when we encountered our first Stemi. He arrived with chest pain and we had the EKG in minutes with tombstones all over it. Line, labs, O2, ASA and nitro and a quick call to the ambulance service and out the door in 27 minutes, straight to cath lab, do not pass go/do not collect $200, and to clot in less than 60 min. 100% block of the circumlflex and at least one other partial block. But he will go on to live a healthy productive life with most of his heart still intact. You are welcome. This job does have its rewards some days (because that could have gone very differently).

Home for a week and finally getting it back together...

God spoke to me during my time with him yesterday morning. I'd been feeling so purposeless and actually depressed practically since arriving home. I was trying to focus but I just kept mulling it over. I wrote:

This trip was incredible. While I was there I'm able to give it all to God and say "do with me what you will." I'm able to trust Him with each step and be so dependant on Him and it all feels so right. And then I have to come home and I hate it. I immediately try to be dependant on myself again. I feel depressed and purposeless. I hate settling back into my old routine which has no adventure. I hate going back to work and back to routine here. I just don't want to do it! I cry out to you Lord- help me!

I sat quietly but was not hearing an answer at all. So I started reading in my bible where I left off the day before just to fill the time until I could be done with my "quiet time".

Matthew 14:25- 31 During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

And God spoke to me. He said crystal clear "That's you. You want to get out of the boat. And you even manage to walk a few steps. But then you get back home and you look at the wind and you see the waves and you look down at your own feet and you sink! But I am right here. I'm still standing right in front of you. Nothing is different except that you are focused on yourself instead of me. Knock it off!" Well, that knock it off may not have been directly from God- but that is the impression I got.

So I put down my bible and pen and journal and I went outside for a long run (Actually it was more like a walk because I have not run in nearly 5 weeks but that is irrelevant). I reminded myself that no matter where I am on this planet I really have nothing to offer. I am simply an empty vessel and I can not depend on myself. But the good news is that I serve the God of this universe who does have something to offer. And better yet He chooses to fill me with new mercy and new blessing every day! So I actually do have something to offer no matter where I am on this planet. I'm inadequate but it doesn't matter because He is more than adequate. I'm now working on keeping my eyes off the water and on the one that always gives my life purpose and direction.

So I can't promise that I won't me mildly melancholy for a little while longer but my focus is back where it belongs. This isn't about me at all, it is all about my God. Thank you Lord.

Sad News

I have some sad news for those of you that were praying for those little kids a Amecet:

Baby Basil passed away early tuesday morning (monday night for us). He was the sweet little guy that gave us a scare a couple of times and that I was holding as I posted. Even though I'm crying as I write this I know that he was taken to the best home he will ever have and Jesus wrapped his arms around Basil and held him better than I ever could.

It hurts...

My arms feel empty! I only knew these kids for such a short time but I miss them so much! While worshiping in chuch on sunday I longed to be dancing with Helen in my arms again....

Flowers

Spring is not too far off.... it is closer every day.

Uganda has some beautiful flowers!

Ben and Norm

Norm and Ben in Entebbe.

I have added pictures throughout the entries and I'm slowly going back through and adding other bits and pieces. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!

Makes you think...

I'm still not ready to post yet but here is some stuff that is better than mine. It was written by Marlin Vis, a missionary in Jerusalem. He tells of an experience last year after he was in a Refugee Camp, located in Bethlehem. The next day as he was preaching in chuch, he lost his faith. Here’s how it happened, and why as well.

I preached Sunday, but my heart wasn’t in it. In fact, smack-dab in the
middle of the message, I lost my faith. It happened without warning.
One minute I am bringing the Word, and the next, I had nothing to say – from the
Word to no word. I went from looking out over the congregation seeking eye
contact, to staring down at my notes, fighting the urge to step down from the
pulpit and walk out of the building. Actually, run out was more what I felt like
doing. A picture flashed on to some part of my brain – left or right I couldn’t
say. But there it was, a snapshot that my mind’s eye had taken the day
before. I didn’t see it coming, but I should have I guess. After all she kept me awake a good part of the night. She was on my mind when I woke, and I was thinking of her as I sat on the terrace going over the sermon for the last time. Seeing me sitting there, staring into nothing, Sally asked, “What are you thinking about?” “Nothing,” I said. I lied. I was thinking about a different her than her, and didn’t want to
talk about how this other she made me feel.Then she just showed up in the middle
of my preaching and drove away my faith. She is four or five-years-old; I’m
guessing four. She is wearing a black dress; I’m guessing she wears it
everyday. She is barefoot; I’m guessing that she has shoes, but that they
don’t fit. She has a runny nose, the green kind of runny nose; I’m
guessing she has the green kind of runny nose most every day. She has
empty eyes; I’m guessing she didn’t always have empty eyes. I’m guessing
the light went out of her eyes the day she found out that not all children live
in a place with no place to run and play.
She is a Palestinian refugee, living in a refugee camp on the edge of Bethlehem,
the place where Joseph and Mary came to be counted. She doesn’t
count. She is only a number – 7,000 children in this camp of 12,000
people. She doesn’t count; I’m guessing she knows it.Her eyes are empty, but
mine are not. Mine are filled with tears. Someone coughs and I
remember where I am, who I am – preacher. I look up and see Sally with
this panicked look on her face. I’ve been preaching with her in the
audience for almost 30 years now, and I’ve never seen her with that look on her
face. Well, actually that’s not true. I saw it one other time – the
Sunday I lost my faith in the church. How is it that God allows this to go
on? How can God watch the light drain from the eyes of little girls in
black dresses and not come rushing to the rescue? Is God too damn busy to
help this little girl in the black dress and empty eyes? Does God count
this little girl as one of his sheep? Does God know this tiny sheep is
lost? Is God looking for her? Does God know she is looking for him? I
don’t want God to take anything away from any other child in order that this
little girl has a place to run and play. Why does it have to be
either/or? Is God only able to love the one child – only Sarah, not
Hagar? Is God’s heart so small that there is no room in it for little
Hagar? I’ve lost my faith. It’s a scandal, isn’t it? I’ve seen too
many children with empty eyes to believe that there is a God who cares, a God
who has the power to do anything. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I know that my
missing faith is simply that – missing, not gone. I’ll soon find it. I
know that there is a God who cares. I know there is a God who has the
power to do something about all this. I know that God is angry. I
know that God loves this little girl in the black dress and the empty
eyes. I know all this because I know Jesus and I know that Jesus
cares. I know that Jesus has the power to transform the world – redeem
it. I even know that the Spirit of Jesus will do just that. I know
all of this, and even more than this. I just don’t believe it – not today
anyway.

You get angry here. You do. You watch one people prosper as
another people decline, and you get angry. On one side of the divide you
see parks and playgrounds and nice schools and fountains and swimming pools, and
on the other you see none of these. And you know that there is enough land for
all the children to have a playground. You know that the little girl in the
black dress with the empty eyes could have the same opportunities to run and
play and learn as the little girls on the other side of the divide. You
know this is true, and you also know that there is no heart to make it so, and
no will to work for it. You get angry. You try not to, but you
do. You listen to politicians declare that the number one priority of the
United States of America is to defend herself against Islamic extremists.
And you just want to weep. You’ve see Islamic extremists, and Jewish and
Christian extremists too, and you know that none of these is big enough or bad
enough or important enough to be our number one priority. You’ve seen the little
girl in the black dress and empty eyes, and you know that there are millions
like her around the world, and you know in your heart that she is little enough
and good enough to deserve to be every nation’s number one priority. She’s
not, and she knows she’s not, and you know she’s not too. And here’s the
kicker – God knows she is not number one with us as well. I wonder how
many times a day God loses his faith in us. I smiled at Sally, shook my head,
muttered something about “preaching to the choir,” and went on. I
preached. I prayed. I presided over the Lord’s Supper. I shook
hands and thanked people for coming. I went home, took a nap, and moved
through the rest of the day and night. I got up Monday morning, put my
feet on the ground and went to work. My faith? Don’t worry; my faith is
just lost, not gone. I’ll find it, because I can’t bear to be without
it. The good news for me is that God doesn’t panic when I lose my
faith. God understands, I think. God knows that I’ll live like I
have faith whether I have faith or not. That’s why God likes me, I think –
sees a little of himself in me, and in you too, I’d guess. Thank God for
that, huh? God help us.

First two shifts back at work.... 50+ patients last night and another 60 tonight. Lots of really sick folks but also some thatI was having trouble having any compassion for. I'm having trouble getting back into the groove now that I'm home. If anyone is still praying for me can you add this to your list? I'm feeling frustrated and.... we'll I don't even really know what I'm feeling...

Welcome Home

At least it looks nice....

Not quite the weather we have been enjoying but it is nice in its own way. It is just that shoveling and scraping my car are not things that I missed at all. I have not had hot coco in a while.

Home

So for those of you who have not seen us yet we have arrived home safely. Our flights were all on time and we managed to make all of our connections this direction. My cell phone is back on and back in my pocket ( yuck!) and it is time to figure out when I need to be back at work so.... I hope you enjoyed following our adventures here. As I readjust to this time zone and catch up on my sleep I'll add a few more pictures and journal entries. Thank you to all of you who prayed for us and supported us.

Sipi Falls

So we headed out of Soroti Sunday afternoon- it felt like we had just arrived and it was already time to go. We spent a very nice time at Sipi falls Sunday evening and Monday morning. (The hikes that we took were absolutely amazing and as soon as I can attach pictures again I will.)

It was really restful and a nice way to wrap up. We went into Mbale and had lunch at a tiny little Indian restaurant. (Funny that we had to go to Uganda to have Indian for the first time. ) Then had to say our final good byes and were picked up by a friend of a friend and taken to Entebbe. The ride wasn't bad but we got stuck in traffic in and around Kampala for almost 2 hours- but it could have been worse- we were in a nice vehicle so sitting wasn't too much of a problem. Norm met us and we went out for dinner after some quick hot showers. Today we were planning on seeing some sights here in Entebbe but we might be out of money so we may just have a low key day. We have to be to the airport at 8:30 for our 11pm flight. I can't believe its over already.

Cultural sensitivity

Ben shares his insight again-

While in Soroti:
We worked with the Dutch
We bought from the Indians
We played basketball with the Chinese
We lived with the Canadians
We served the Africans

Hike

So it is 1AM here and I have Basil in one arm making it harder to type but he needs TLC more than I need to type quickly so it is all right. His IV is unhooked for right now so I'll hold him while I can. He gave us a scare over the past two days- he became very dehydrated very quickly. (When you only weigh 2.5 kg you don't have much "margin of error") We tried ORS in the night but he kept getting more lethargic and stopped sucking. He earned an NG and an IV by morning. He does seem to be trying to eat a little more now so we'll see. But this post wasn't going to be about the kids. It is about the walk we took yesterday.
Last evening Tim took us for a hike. We headed out of Soroti in the late afternoon heat. The road is rough, the area undeveloped to say the least. Past the LRA bombed out building. Past the cotton factory burned by the rebel forces. The road is dirt and very uneven Keep going toward the large outcropping of rock in the distance.

The single hill on the flat savanna keeps looming closer. We park right at the base. The rock is loose a slides around but isn't too difficult to climb. Small trees and scrub brush cling in the cracks. Higher up decades of nature have deposited enough dirt for growing large trees with their roots deep in the cracks. Lizards are everywhere in the yellow grass as we keep scrambling upwards. Monkeys too but they are too skittish to let us have more than a quick glance. If you stand with you back to the setting sun you can see for miles on the flat grasslands. Way up here it isn't hard to put yourself back 50 years and if you squint you can see an ostrich or a gazelle. A small collection of huts indicate a family, this unchanged in those 50 years. These collections are few and far between though. We start to head back down, slightly easier than up. Between the dusk and the thick red dust from the road visibility seems limited. But in the distance lightening crackles out of the bottoms of large clouds, so clear it seems close. However, too far away to hear any thunder so it just seems near. The whole thing is just breath taking. I wish I could share more of it than just these words.