So close but so far away

Money. My current least favorite thing. I feel like I spend way too much of my time looking at numbers. I'm not really a numbers person. But here they are anyway:
As of the end of this week I'm at 80% of my monthly goal. That is roughly another $400/ month I need pledged. (and Beckie is nearly the same.) It seems so far off. I don't want to be discouraged but..... we are looking at March 22nd. Only 24 days from today. And we need to have enough time left to buy our tickets and our visas. Sometimes I feel like we can do it and other times I'm not so sure. I really appreciate the MANY that joined this month. It is when I look at you I'm encouraged. God is fully able to do it if this if it is His will. If not March 22nd then probably April 10th. But I don't even want to think about that.
Alright, enough disjointed thoughts strung together. Have a day of rest tomorrow!

I just spent the past few hours on labor and delivery trying to learn skills that hopefull I'll never need.

• I learned some new things like how to repair a 2nd degree tear and what to look for to assess a placenta.
• I was reminded of some old things like what are bad decels and normal variations in fetal heart tones.
• Most importantly I learned that I have so much left to learn.
• Even more importantly than that I was reminded that I do nothing on my own. God is sending me to this and he is equiping me for this!

A huge thanks to the weekend nights team for being such willing teachers!!

Desire of my heart

In the states our prayers and our attitudes say “Lord, please remove this struggle from me!” I’m learning that mature Christians say “Lord, please give me the grace and strength to bear up under this struggle!” This reminds me of the verse Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you desires of your heart. As a young Christian I struggled when I read this verse- I’m delighting in the Lord, why am I not getting the desires of my heart? Now I’m beginning to see that delighting myself in my Lord means to let my heart beat with His. To learn to know His heart is to be delighted by it and have the same desires as His! Then the wants of my heart are His! The desire of my heart was to go to serve in Africa. This is a good prayer right? But God said, Jennifer- I want you to want me first, not want to serve me first! Now my prayer is not to be sent to Africa but to be within God’s will for me. And because the desire of my heart is to be within the will of God He has completely given me this longing! (Which amazingly enough includes Africa!  But what if it didn't?  What if our well laid plans and months of fundraising came to nothing? Would I still be OK? I would grieve but then I would be fine. Because I'm learning to want what my Father in Heaven wants).

These are just my mental wanderings today. But the reason that I’m sharing them with you is that I know God is saying the same to you as He has said to me “I want you to desire me! Not just the things of me, though they may be good. My child, delight yourself in me! Long for me and I will answer you!”

Thanks for checking in. So... where are we at? I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I'm writing the same thing over and over. Fundraising, packing, getting rid of stuff. Oh, and for a little variety this week taxes. I wish I had something new to write... but for now still just fundraising, fundraising and a little more fundraising.

Walking in the woods

So I was trying to think about this as a life application lesson but I got nothing. It is really just for fun.

I've been walking trying to walk the past few days to think and pray and I take Clementine with me. However, our last two walks have been... well... Usually she is very good. Comes right away when I call, well behaved on and off the leash. We usually walk in the woods and we have scared up deer and rabbits and squirrels without any issues. But she has shown her true colors with birds. Yesterday it was ducks on the Grand River. Took one look and dove in after them. The good news is, as I was figuring out how to get my 150lbs out on the ice to pull her back in she ended up far enough downstream to where she could get herself out. No harm done except that my car windows have a thick layer of frost inside because we sat in the car while she warmed up and dried off. Today, I intentionally chose a park with no ducks and no water. But she found some turkeys. Lots of turkeys. Big ones. She even managed to get one in her mouth before she figured out that she had no idea what to do with it. The turkey easily won that fight and will clearly live to make some other dog's life miserable. And we added lots of little bits of feathers to the mess in my car. Now it smells like wet dog AND wet bird.

Postponing

  So... how to write this? A decision has been reached- we are not going to make it by March 13th. So I'm sitting here eating comfort food and trying to console myself. I know in my head that this is the way it is supposed to be. We are within God's will. But I am still struggling with my own impatience and eagerness to go. At this point we are only postponing our leaving by 9 days, our new goal is March 22nd. Not that different at all. We will still be pushing hard, only giving ourselves 10 more days to purchase tickets and then get our visas. Please pray for us in these remaining days! God is so good but this season of fundraising is so hard and I am so ready for it to be over.

I'm so excited as I write tonight!! I'm within a few hundred dollars of monthly commitment and soon will be able to purchase my ticket!! You guys have been awesome with your giving. I recognize that it takes sacrifice on your parts. Thank you so much!

One other thing- I just want to point out a new feature that I've added to the blog. You will see near the bottom of this page on the right side a list of books. These are books that have touched me, made me think in new ways or showed me a new facet of our amazing God. I recommend any one of them (and think every Christian should read some of them!)

What captures God's attention?

This is a short passage from Always Enough by Heidi Baker. She is currently a missionary in Mozambique, Africa. I wish my heart was as tender and open to the Lord as hers is. Here is one thing she wrote:

We are asked how we can continue to do such tiring work. How do we put up with such poverty and stressful conditions? How can we deal with so many people and needs? How long can we do this? But we have nothing to gain by slowing down and trying to hold on to our lives. We give ourselves as a fragrant offering of love to Jesus, and in return He gives us His supernatural life. We have to stand up and face some of the poorest people on earth, who suffer, starve, and die as most of us cannot imagine. Yet we can confidently teach: "who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all of these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death not life, neither angels nor demons, height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!" (Romans 8:35-39) We have His love. We have Him! This is no time to be conservative. This is no time to let our hearts be captured by this world. We cannot improve on His will and His life. Let's concentrate on what captures God's attention and spend ourselves as He spends Himself. He knows what is worthwhile to do, so let's learn from Him and not waste our love. We will never run dry. We always have His resources!

Thank you!!

Beckie and I talked, we will be making the decision shortly as to if we can purchase our tickets for March 13th. Stay tuned.
These last few days have been very encouraging. Thanks to all who came to the Ugandan dinner at Dr. Shomin's house. I hope you enjoyed yourselves as much as I did.  Thanks to all who gave so generously- you got me that much closer to leaving... wait.  Is that why you all donated?  :)

Yield

This is hard to write but it has been on my heart so here it is. I need to surrender the date of March 13th. I’m praying for it every day. And I will keep praying for it every day. But I think I’m being told not to cling to it. I feel as though at times I’m demanding it of God and I cannot do that. I know that God is an eternal and everlasting God, outside of time. I need to trust him with the timing of our departure. It may look perfect to me, for the team, to be done fundraising. But He sees the big picture. And it may all come through alright with no need to change dates. But I think I need to be willing to give it up. So here I am yielding Lord. May your will be done.

A huge thanks!

You guys are awesome!!!  I'm a bit intimidated by the number of people that have told me in the last few days that they read this- most of the time I think of it as talking to myself, so sorry about that! But the response this week has been amazing. So many more joined our support team and we get closer and closer to the goal everyday! I don't even know how to say thank you. We know God is working and we can see him answering prayers through you. THANKS