Chafing at the bit

So, getting closer all the time! 40 days!!! We still have not purchased our plane tickets, not until we have 100% of our monthly support raised and we are at about 65% and we really, really want to make it by March 13th! So we are pushing really hard. As of the middle of last week Beckie and I live together now. It is a good thing, we are going through the stuff we want to pack, sorting and making piles. Kind of like all of my life now, sorting and making piles- figuring out what is essential for life in Uganda, packing up other things to put in the attic to be stored here, boxing up stuff for my parents basement to come at a later date and trashing or giving away the rest. It seems like practically everything I do revolves around preparing to go or fundraising. I guess that is the way that it is supposed to be but I'm ready to be done with this part. Once again I'm chafing at the bit. I look back over the past 10 years (sorting through piles of old journals!) and it seems I've done that a lot. Over and over I tell the Lord I don't like it. I would rather be determining the speed and direction. I don't really want this bridle, the chafing. But then I look back and see this path. I'm reminded that God sees the big picture. And I want more than anything to be on the path that He wants me on. So I settle down again. I know that right now this is what I'm suppose to be doing and where I'm supposed to be doing it.

Update

Time for another update....
At this point Beckie and I are still on track to leave March 13th- 48 days!!! Fundraising continues to go well. I'm at 62% right now...It is so encouraging as I have opportunities to bring more and more people onto my support team. (Side note: If you are reading this and I haven't invited you to be on my support team- shame on me!  This is a great opportunity to join God in the work he is doing in Uganda. If you are interested please let me know.) 
I'm working a little more out at UC. I think I post that every time and now I'm back at full time (plus "overtime" this week!).  I love it and am glad there are hours that I can pick up but I'm feeling a little guilty. It is hard to keep fundraising as my primary responsibility when I'm at work so much.

Evil

As I talk to people about the variety of problems in Uganda- hunger, orphans, HIV, war, abused children, war, the list could go on and on- occasionally people make comments refering to why God would do this to Africa.  That implies that God is not loving.  Here is a story with a good rebuke.

A University professor challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"
A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"
"God created everything?" The professor asked.
"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.
 The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."
 The student became quiet and did not respond to the professor's hypothetical definition.. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.
Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question,professor?"
"Of course", replied the professor.
The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"
"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"
The other students snickered at the young man's question.The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."
The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"
The professor responded, "Of course it does."
The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present.
 Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."
Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"
Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart.It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light." The professor sat down.

Update

I'm so excited!  I just spent the last hour sitting here running the numbers- I have 50% of my monthly needs met!  People have comitted to supporting me monthly to the tune of $1,155!  Beckie and I are planning on leaving in 8 weeks. So I'm still looking for roughly 40 people to support at $30/month (or more). Only  55 days from now....

Thinking about prayer...

I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had absolutely no other place to go.                 -Abraham Lincoln

You may "pray" for an hour and still not pray. You may meet God for a moment and then be in touch with Him all day                       -Fredrik Wisloff

Dirty Water

Jeremiah 2:13 "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."

This verse really struck me today. Who, when they are thirsty, would chose a broken cistern of dirty collected rain water over a sparkling spring of fresh water?!

But I do. Every day. My Jesus offers fresh water to quench my thirst. Instead I chose dirty water to try to fill the hole in my life. This world offers me things that kind of look good- entertainment, comfort, etc. But these things are as dirty water to sate my thirst compared to the sparkling, never ending stream that Jesus offers!

Follow up to last post

TWhile talking to a friend about that last post I feel like I need to add that I'm not really discouraged. Because this time is hard, I'm learning to really lean into God and trust that he will provide.  If it were easy I wouldn't be learning and leaning nearly as much. So it is good.

And I realized that some don't known who Clememtine is. She is the very high energy puppy who I spend most of my day with. It give me a great excuse to take long walks in the woods.

Perspective

A new year, I was thinking about perspective today. I was in the woods with Clementine. I biked through these woods several times a week all summer. They look very different when they are thick and green. Today, same woods, but frozen, cold, sparse. And then, with a soaking wet, nearly frozen 22 pound puppy over a shoulder it seemed very different. Same woods. Same trees. Same place. Just a different season. I’m in a place in life right now like that. A different season.

I Corinthians 1:25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
I would be planning my life differently right now if I were not doing what God is calling me to. I'm learning to seeking hard after Him in a way that I never have before. And I'm learning so much and I wish I could easily share all that He is teaching.  I honestly don't really like this season. But God sees a perspective that I don't see. I'm trusting and learning.

Time for an update....
Nothing new really, still fundraising. Christmas was a great time with family. I enjoyed all of our traditions more while thinking it may be the last time I do some of them for a few years. (Like going as a group of 10 to hike in the woods and snow to cut the perfect tree) It looks like Beckie and I may be sliding our leaving date back a few more weeks- possibly the second week in March. Still not going to purchase the tickets to fly out until the fundraising is done. I'm working out at UC more than I thought I would be. It's good, I discovered how much I miss nursing and am glad to be spending a few more hours there.

I want to share a song that has really gripped me lately- It is Marvelous Light by Charlie Hall. The lyrics are so true- we are no longer trapped in our darkness and shame! We are new people, ransomed and liberated!

I once was fatherless, a stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep.
Into marvelous light I'm running
out of darkness, out of shame
by the cross you are the truth,
you are the life, you are the way!
Your love it beckons deeply,
a call to come and die.
By grace now I will come.
And take this life, take your life.
Sin has lost it's power,
death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen victoriously!!!
My dead heart now is beating,
my deepest stain now are clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs, now I'm free.
Now I'm free!


If you have never heard it before this is a good version of it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoA2ka7tnh8
sorry about the formatting- blogger is being retarded.

Set Free Ministries

Just a quick request-
This weekend I'm headed to a training for discipleship counseling. This is that I may be better equipped while working with kids and others in Uganda. The training is about helping hurting people with emotional and spiritual brokenness and oppression. We know we need the the love and truth of God and prayer because our sin causes separation from God. I'm not really sure what to expect but I want to be open to God's leading and I really hope this is a growing experience. I would appreciate your prayers and promise to update you how God answers! Thanks guys!

Therefore, let us run the race set before us. A race means... concentration of purpose and will, strenuous and determined effort. It means that a man while he is on the course gives himself wholly to one thing- running with all his might. It means that for the time being he forgets everything for the all absorbing desire- to gain the prize. The Christian course means this all through life: a whole-hearted surrender of oneself, to put aside everything for the sake of God and His favor. The men who enter the course are separated from the crowd of idle spectators: they each of them can say, One thing I do- they run.
Looking unto Jesus- there we have the inner life of the spirit, a heart always fixed on Jesus in faith and worship, drawing inspiration and strength from His example and His love.

-The Holiest of All Andrew Murry.

Because I said so, that why.

So, just a quick update....
I'm still fundraising full time. (Have not given up yet!) Beckie is out on the west coast right now so I don't have to work quite so hard. (Just kidding!). Each week I talk to a kid's sunday school class about Africa. It is always interesting the questions and comments they make. This week one of the kindergartners asked why I'm going to Africa. Obviously I paused too long formulating my answer and one of the other kids chimed in with "Because God said so!" Yeah, I just left it at that.

(76 days)

God with us

Ad-vent: n. The coming or arrival, esp of something momentous or someone awaited. Anticipation.

This is the start of the advent season. Radio stations play Christmas music non-stop and everyone puts up decorations. I was just saying to myself that I didn't want that to be my attitude about advent though. I want an attitude of anticipation for my Lord! In my heart I want to be saying "I await you my King!"
Then Jesus whispered to me "but I await you my child." This season is a reminder of the promise that God dwells with His people! Emmanuel, God with us! I'm going to approach the season in a fresh way. He is waiting for us!

Thanksgiving...

I was thinking about giving thanks to God this year... someone at work told me "it's hard to give thanks this year. My boyfriend lost his job and now I'm sick!" Bills, job loss, illness or death, difficult economy, so many things that prevent a feeling of thankfulness. But I was reminded that the first thanksgiving was celebrated in a year when 7 time more graves were dug than shelters were built. Yet they gave thanks.


As we go around the table today we list the things we are thankful for. But here is what I'm thinking....

• I'm thankful for a house and a warm place to sleep (even if it is a 100 year old piece of work), but if my house was gone I would still thank my God.
• I'm thankful for all this good food, but I know that many who are hungry today are still thankful.
• I'm thankful for wonderful family and friends, but even if I were lonely I would be thankful that my Lord is a close friend.

I have an overflow of joy today not because of circumstances, as they may be hard sometimes, but I am giving thanks for God's presence in my circumstances regardless of what they are.

Fundraising

Some days I'm so excited about how things are coming together and then other days I get bogged down in how much we have to do. Beckie and I just ran the numbers....

• 30% of my monthly expenses are raised
• 10% of my start up expenses are raised.
• We want to leave in 87 days.
• WE CAN DO THIS!!!

Just sitting....

Twice this week I have been reminded of the sisters, Mary and Martha. Do you remember this story?
Luke 10:38-42 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
Both Mary and Martha loved Jesus and were serving him. But Martha was overly focused on the tasks to do. This has been me too much. I'm loving and serving my Lord. But I think he has been saying to me- "Stop. Just come sit with me. Sit here. I know there is lots to do. But this is more important. Don't be distracted by the task list. Just sit at my feet."
So, now I'm working at just sitting at his feet.