Femur fracture and mental circles

I went out to see Lazaro again the other day. Dad and the brothers had fixed his chair so I wanted to take it back to him and see how his family is doing. He was in the hut again when I arrived (I hate it when they leave him in there alone!  I suspect that sometimes entire days go by when he is never taken out to sit with his family and be a part of whatever is going on.  Makes me mad….anyway.) His mother went inside to get him but didn’t come out right away. I went inside to see and once my eyes adjusted to the dark I could see he was in rough shape. He is really pale again and more lethargic than before (is that even possible?!) It was a little complicated but eventually I got that a few days ago he had been stepped on in the night by one of his siblings. (When the whole family sleeps together on the floor of a hut that isn’t any bigger than my bedroom and has no light this isn’t terribly surprising.) He clearly has a high femur fracture. I suspect it is even displaced but his bones are already so malformed that it is hard to tell. The whole top half of his little leg is rock hard and hot to the touch. He cried and cried when I touched it. I asked his mother what she does when he has a broken bone and she says she just waits. So I gave a bottle of children’s Tylenol, a whole bunch of children’s multivitamins and promised to come back with milk. But I can’t stop thinking about it. Is that really the best I can do?!  I thought about splinting somehow but his little leg is already so crooked and the break is close to his hip I don't know how to begin. Traction is out of the question for so many reasons and I’ve yet to find a doctor within two hour’s drive who will do anything for him, without even discussing surgery. So maybe that is the best I can do. Comfort measures. But then I think- I only gave Tylenol. If I was serious about comfort shouldn’t I give something stronger? But is that even safe where I suspect he goes hours without being checked on? Then I’m back to thinking about taking him with me. I could nurse him back to health and work on development for a while and get him feeding himself, but then what? Back home where his bones will only continue to get broken. So taking him out of his home isn’t the solution either.  Round and round I go…

Which leads into another mental circle that I travel- I feel like I've quit on these kids. Really, Lazaro is the only one I visit right now. I went to Karamoja for several weeks then to Kenya for a few more weeks and I didn't follow up with any of the other handicapped kids for more than two months. That door kind of slid closed and I let it.  I would come home from spending the day in the villages with them so depressed and discouraged and frustrated and angry.  It was hard work and not stuff I'm good at. I've never done nursing care with kids, let alone chronically ill, mentally and physically handicapped kids. But now I feel so guilty. Didn't I do exactly what I was trying to discourage these kids' parents from doing?! Caring for these kids is hard work but we can't quit!  Then I try to remind myself that I think God is calling me to something else. That I didn't really quit. But I did. I'm tired tonight. Time to be done wandering in circles...