Teacher

I shared last week (see the post also titled Teacher) about a group I was struggling to love. I'd been praying that God would teach me to love them. Yet this week they were out to make themselves even harder to love. For some reason they were hateful to each other (being mean bullies to several of the quieter, less popular) and rude to myself and the other teacher. I don't even know what to do. Father- Please increase my love for them and help me to see them as you do.

Amen

What is God asking of me?

"I will not give to the LORD my God that which cost me nothing."



One of the speakers at the conference I was just at (Dr. Jefferson McKinney) talked about considering the cost of service to the Lord. He obviously was talking about mission work but doesn't this apply to all that we do for God? What is our motivation? Why do I do the things that I do? Am I doing the things that God is asking me to do or am I looking for excuses? My reason to do what He asks needs to become-Because I am a in such a deep debt. I owe so much, this thing that the Lord is asking of me is nothing compared to the cost that He paid.

Sometimes the things that He asks us to do are hard. We have a tendency to whine, to complain and then to quit. And that is where grace comes in. There are returns in this life and in the next. But sometimes things are still hard.

We have a tendency to ask "Was it worth it?" But this question implies "was it worth it to me?"But it isn't about me. It is about God. Philippians 3:10 says : I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.

So, I will learn to give nothing to my Lord which cost me nothing. Anyone have any insights to share?

Supply list

Here is a working list of things I've been told that I'll need. I'm sure that there will be other things but for now:

Needs:
Badage/ dressing supplies.
Antibiotic ointment
Childrens multivitamin
Prenatal vitamins
OTC pain meds (both childrens and adults)
Betadine
Gloves

Wants:
A volleyball and net
Soccer ball
Kids' shoes (used are fine)

Leaving in 6 weeks, 5 days and (roughly) 14 hours

So if God had not given me enough evidence up to this point that going to Uganda is that I'm supposed to be doing (between the strong desire, the support and encouragement of great Christians and the abundance of funds) now I have been told that nearly all of my shifts at work have been covered. Now I don't have any guilt for asking from my employer for the time off. (not that I had much guilt, but I did have a little...)
So preparations have begun in earnest. I have someone to house sit. I have begun gathering supplies (see the next post if you want to contribute). I think we have someone to bring us to Chicago and pick us back up. And there is now two inches of snow outside and is is 90 and sunny in Kamapal right now. Lets go!

Crocuses

Over the past several weeks several things added themselves to my life. I somehow ended up on the Prayer Leadership Team (PTL) at Remembrance, I acquired some books that have had quite an impact on me and I have been studying spiritual disciplines, the power of the Holy Spirit, listening prayer, spiritual warfare and lies of the devil. All of this combined with some quality time with God and I felt like I could burst with all that He was teaching me. I wrote in my journal "I feel like I'm going to explode trying to contain all that you are teaching me. Like something new is looming ahead of me but it is still just slightly too dark to see it. The dawn is coming, it is slightly pink on the horizon. Last night I was convinced that I'm entering a season of a huge change. The ground is thawing and I'm about to be able to move forward. It is spring!"

Last week in anticipation of the mission conference I felt led to spend the week prior to leaving fasting and praying. I have fasted several times in the past but it has never been anything like this. For the most part I didn't desire food, only time with God. I gave up TV, computer and food for three days and continued to feel more full and occupied than I had in months. Needless to say after that I was fired up about where God was going with all of this.

One of the first times of worship at the mission conference the worship leader led us in prayer for each other related to the season that our ministry is in. For example the first was summer- your ministry is going well, producing fruit, few difficulties. Or winter- things are slow and cold, the work is hard. I got so excited! God had told me clearly that I was in the spring of my ministry only days ago. Funny how he works like that. Now I'm back to being patient. My journal yesterday: " Yet sometimes spring feels so long! The snow melts and the sun is out for a few more hours, only to be followed by a week of damp and chill, and that one last wet grey snow. But this is the time the crocuses push through. Lord, please give me patience!"

To wrap this up, as I read what I've written I sound like a nut. Not that long ago if I had read this on someone else's blog I wouldn't have finished it, so thank you for everyone who hung in there to all of my mental wandering. I guess I'm getting more weird but really I don't care and as a matter of fact I like it. God is so good. I can't wait to see what is next!

Prayer Requests

So I'm back from the medical mission conference in KY and I'm so ready to get on the mission field that I may have gone straight from Louisville to Kampala if my mom didn't need me to share the driving home. Stay tuned as I have some great God given insights that I can't wait to share....
In the mean time I want to ask y'all (I was down south- what can I say) to be praying that as I prepare to head to Uganda (only 6 weeks away now!!) that I will be seeking God's will for this trip not my desires.

The book I'm currently reading...

"If you think you have come to the mission field because you are a little better
than others, or as the cream of your church, or because of your medical degree,
or for the service you can render the African church, or even for the souls you may see saved you will fail.
Remember, the Lord has only one purpose ultimately for each one of us, to make us more like Jesus. He is interested in your relationship with Himself. Let Him take you and mould you as He will; all the rest will take its rightful place."

- Dr. Helen Roseveare in her autobiography Give Me This Mountain.

Show Mercy International

So the application has been sent, tickets are being purchased, I know where my passport is and I've even started packing. But I need to defend that last one. I was putting away the summer clothes to make room for the sweaters and thinking that I may want some tanks and skirts left out for the equator IF I go. And because I was leaving them out where better to put them than in the bag that I MIGHT be needing... lets face it, by the time I admitted to myself that I was packing I could admit to myself that the decision had been made. I'm going to Uganda in January!!! (http://www.showmercy.org/)
The place where I'll be serving this time is an orphanage outside of the capital city of Kampala. For those who still read this and occasionally pray for me I'd really appreciate it if you would lift this up. Also my brother Ben and his wife Christina are thinking of going but finances are much tighter for them. We all are trusting that this is what God is calling us to even with the economy the way that it is...

Selfishness

What does it mean for me to die to myself today?

Philippians 3:7-10 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.

On the mission field

"Living on the mission field may be hard at times, but it forces me to
stick close to God. I have to depend on Him in a way I fail to at home. I
LOVE being close to God. I fall more in more in love with my Savior the more I
read about Him in His Word. He is God! He is love, peace, my refuge, and hope. I
wish everyone knew God like this, He does too. God makes it so clear how we are
to live here in Uganda. His joy and the blessings He gives is worth every
hardship or sacrifice it takes to live for Him daily. "

I just read this on a post from a missionary family working in Uganda right now. She summed it up so well. I wish it was an experience that every christian could have! Their blog is at http://shaarda.blogspot.com/ if anyone else wants to read.

No one is talking about his very poor choice, only the tragedy.
Here is something that I've been struggling with and trying to get some divine insight into and just don't know.... It seems like Nick and I have gotten ourselves in trouble already (Sunday School teachers less than three weeks…) Some of the parents (and obviously some of our students) are very upset about how we talked about the suicide of one of the kids in their school. I’m not even sure what the correct way to respond to their outcry. First, I think how clearly these parent are helping their kids hero worship and idolize this kid. What message does this send to every other kid in the school thinking about suicide?! “Look at all of the attention that he got! I can do that and be important too!” We need to point out that this kid made a mistake! He sinned! It cannot be made to look pretty and tragic or too many others will fall into that trap!
I had no intention of scaring the kids while talking about hell but our God DOES pass judgment on us and we do need to fear that! It is not for anyone to say that this kid is in heaven or hell but I tried to say that he will need to stand before his maker. We can not and should not quickly gloss over the mistakes we make and talk about our forgiving God with rose colored glasses. This is just as much a trap of Satan as the lies Travis listened to that death was the answer. .... So on Sunday we need to address it and I don't really know how. No one wants us to talk about his poor choice, only the tragedy.

I biked to work today! I've done this before but now that I live about 14 miles from my place of employment it is much more of a challange. I'm not sure that I'll be able to figure out how to do it consistantly but for now I'm happy with it. http://www.usatf.org/routes/view.asp?rID=251636

Prayer

• Prayer does not fit us for the greater work, prayer is the greater work. --Oswald Chambers
• God's answers are wiser than our prayers. –Unknown
• Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers, pray for powers equal to your task. --Phillips Brooks
• Tell God all that is in your heart, as one unloads one's heart, its pleasures and its pains, to a dear friend. Tell God your troubles, that God may comfort you; tell God your joys, that God may sober them; tell God your longings, that God may purify them; tell God your dislikes, that God may help you conquer them; talk to God of your temptations, that God may shield you from them: show God the wounds of your heart, that God may heal them. If you thus pour out all your weaknesses, needs, troubles, there will be no lack of what to say. Talk out of the abundance of the heart, without consideration say just what you think. Blessed are they who attain to such familiar, unreserved intercourse with God. --Francois Fenelon
• God does not stand afar off as I struggle to speak. He cares enough to listen with more than casual attention. He translates my scrubby words and hears what is truly inside. He hears my sighs and uncertain gropings as fine prose. --Timothy Jones
• Prayer is not so much an act as it is an attitude—an attitude of dependency, dependency upon God. --Arthur W. Pink

Some things I learned this week-

#1- The cast cutter is cool and something I'm actually good at! (Thanks Dad for all those lessons on the dremil, the band saw, the electric grinder, the circular saw- they all have made me a better cast remover!)
#2- 40 + patients in an 8 hour shift is A LOT.
#3- I still have lots to learn. (To get an RSV sample you actually spray saline into their nose.)

I'm really starting to feel comfortable out at SW and liking this job!

Never lasts....

My contentment never lasts. For roughly a month now I've been content in my current circumstances. In retrospect though I've been "uncomfortable". I've spent many of the last weeks of summer boiling my water, hunting for fire wood, running and biking long hours and working for each meal while sleeping out in the damp with bugs and being generally uncomfortable- and happier than I am at any other time. Now as life gets comfortable again I'm not seeking my Savior's face as often and am more discontent. Beckie was talking today about Show Mercy Uganda. http://www.showmercy.org/ Rumor has it they are building a clinic and will need nurses. Maybe I'll go with Beckie when she goes the middle of next year. I can have more than enough funds raised by then and will have been at SW about a year. Maybe I should talk to God about this and get His take on it....

Work

I haven't written about this new job recently- I guess that means that I'm settling in. I'm getting more comfortable everyday. I had a few things that have made me think. We had a 14 year old- STD's. He seemed pretty relaxed about the whole thing- until I asked if he wanted an HIV test. (Not really our policy to ask, or do it for that matter, but I needed something tactful to try to drive home how harming this behavior could be.) 14?!? I also told him he had to tell his partner that he had gonorrhea and chlamydia. He gave me a slightly blank look until I added that he would need to tell ALL of his partners... he nodded. 14!! Where do I even begin?!

1st annual silent retreat

We backpacked into Nordhouse dunes again. This time we had a time of silence where there was no talking allowed. It was pretty much only 6 hours but you try collecting wood, getting water, making a meal and just generally not talking for that long. We had been discussing how much noise is in our lives and how it all drowns out God's voice. I've been working lately at listening more for God's voice daily. It is hard- much easier out in the woods- no IV, no radio, no cell phone. But still I am distracted by things, like trying to communicate. Why can't I just enjoy the inflicted quiet and listen to God? Maybe if He was easier to hear...
Anyway... enough reflection. Here are some photos of the trip. Hiking in, finding a site and pitching tents in the falling dusk.