Be still

So... what is going on now? I've begun counting the days until Beckie and I leave for training. Less than a month now (27 days) . I'm struggling though what seems like a huge pile of books to read and papers to write. I'm trying to process what God is teaching. I'm working as many hours as I can pick up while spending extra time in devotion. It all seems just slightly overwhelming right now... The funny thing is that I think God is telling me to stop striving, be still. Psalm 46:10. Know that He is God. Know that I am loved. Not because of what I do, or what I accomplish. That I can never, never do enough or be enough to earn His love. And, most of the time, I'm not trying to earn it. I just whan to say thank you, that I appreciate His grace. But, even then I can't do enough. So, stop striving. Be still. *sigh* I'm working on it....

Dinner

Sorry- I wish this came through more clearly but it is an invitation. Feel free to join us for a Ugandan dinner and a movie. Friday Aug 21st, food 6 ish and movie 7 ish. Remembrance church, around the back, bring a lawn chair or a blanket and be ready for a cross cultural experience!

Beckie

So my friend Beckie is in Soroti, Uganda right now scoping things out for us. Will you be praying for her?

• That God gives her wide open eyes and a wide open heart.
  
• That she is able to listen to His leading.
• For the relationships she builds and interactions she has with people.

I'm so jealous!

International Teams- Sending 1200 workers in 210 teams to 66 countries in order to implement the transforming mission of Jesus

"MOBILIZING INTERNATIONAL TEAMS TO BUILD TRANSFORMING COMMUNITIES "

MOBILIZING

"Mobilization" is the process of stirring individuals in the body of Christ to move out of their current situation into innovative, cross-cultural ministry and to place them strategically in the ministry context.

We speak prophetically to the church today regarding its responsibility for global evangelization.

We are catalytic and innovative in our approach, with a concern for quality in the process.

We communicate with integrity, seeking to match expectations with reality and our mobilization is church-based, because we believe that God's desire is to work through His church to redeem the world.

INTERNATIONAL

The "international" aspect of this ministry permeates our organization. It speaks of who we are, what we do, and how we do it.

"International" means that we are cross-cultural and cross-geographic as we facilitate the sending and receiving of strategic workers throughout the body of Christ worldwide.

Our teams reflect the diversity of Christ's body in many ways, including cultural background, ethnicity, giftedness, and social status.

"International" also speaks to an incarnational approach that gives respect and dignity to those whom we serve.

TEAMS

Scripture offers us "teams" as a primary model of ministry. Working together in teams is important because God has not given all giftedness to any single individual.

We help to create partnerships and unity not only among individuals, but also with other churches and various ministry organizations.

We seek to mobilize teams which are well trained and which have an environment that is open and honest enough to accept and challenge one another.

TO BUILD

How we do what we do is critically important.

We desire to be spirit-led, following His guidance and trusting His power to be an agent of change in the world.

We seek to be intentional and strategic by articulating a clear and compelling vision and well-designed plans.

We "build" by a holistic proclamation of the good news through words and deeds.

Our approach is long-term and in-depth because we value persistent efforts and enduring results.

TRANSFORMING

Our mission is true disciple making. It is not enough to see people merely accept Christian beliefs.

One of the greatest evidences of real transformation is the reconciliation of opposing segments of society.

We believe that it is through prayer that we stay in tune with the Master's will and access His transforming power.

Our efforts are aimed at results that multiply and reproduce on their own - lives being transformed by God and transforming others.

COMMUNITIES

When speaking of "communities" we mean at least three levels where the transforming power of Christ brings change:

THE TEAM - Teams are a microcosm of the unity and diversity that make up loving Christian community.

THE LOCAL CHURCH - Transforming "communities" also includes the local church.

THE LOCAL COMMUNITY - The development of vital, indigenous, effective communities of faith will also transform the local community. Therefore, our aims include the resulting transformation of the surrounding society.

Maps

Sacrifice

One of my co-worker frequently makes me think... today it was about sacrifice. Some people that I talk to perceive that leaving for Africa will involve such large sacrifice. But I know better. I am learning that it is not a sacrifice to give up things I don't value. So if I adjust my values away from what the world says is important I don't have to give up anything! I know that when I make this step in faith, and every step after that as I follow the leading of my Lord I will receive infinitely more than I have given up. Our God is amazing like that.
But can I take it a step further? Am I so bold as to say I even want to suffer for my Savior? Do I really want an opportunity to show my love to him? His disciples rejoiced in their chance to sacrifice. (Acts 5:41...rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name.) I'm not sure I can honestly say that yet, maybe someday. For now I will just enjoy the privilege of being able to serve the Lord Jesus Christ how He asks as I prepare to go.

Rukiya

This is why I want to go so badly-
Rukiya is a new adition to the baby home in Soroti. She is three months old and 2.5kg (5.4lbs). Her mother died and was HIV positive and at birth she weighed 1.5 kg. A basket lady, Mary, her great grandmother was taking care of her but she is very sickly and malnourished. Rukiya is nothing but skin and bones really. She is drinking well and will be loved and cared for at Amecet but she just reminds me of the huge need. I can't help but wonder how I will even be able to help... then I remember I am just an empty vessel being used by the God of this universe who hates this suffering far more than I do.

Kid's Camp 2009

Three and a half weeks ago I didn't think I was doing camp. I had spent hours praying about it and was not getting an answer at all. I didn't understand why but I decieded that if I had not heard from God to go, well, I wasn't going to go. I figured it was better to buckle down and work all summer, get ready to go, etc... Well, some pieces fell into place that, even looking back on it I don't really understand, and I got a week off and got ready to go to camp. This is something that in years past I spend months getting prepared for and now one week before I'm getting a cabin assignment. What is God got in store?!

Camp

So great week at camp... in need of some serious recovery time but posts with pictures soon to follow!

Update

So, a friend pointed out to me at church today that I'm writing in this blog as if everyone knows whats going on in my life. Once I got over the shock that he was right and not everyone knows all details about my life right now, I decided it is time for a recap. Here it is for all of you amazing people out there who care about me and are praying for me and still read my mental wanderings:

• I officially work for International Teams now. They accepted me a few weeks ago and will be placing me in Soroti, Uganda for a minimum of two years- longer if that is God's plan.
• I still work for Saint Mary's but have told my boss about my leaving (a big struggle for me- see previous posts) and will continue to work there until sept.
  
• In September I will leave for 6 weeks of training in Chicago. After that training I hope to return to Saints for a few more months but that is down the road.
• My next BIG challenge is fund raising. I have to raise $30,000 for expenses for the next two years. On top of that I need $2,000 for training. All of this has to be raised before I can head to Uganda. This seems like a huge task and a huge amount but God continually reminds me I just need to trust.
  
• Most of you know Beckie Carlson but for those of you who have never had the pleasure of meeting her she is a good friend and sister to my sister-in-law Christina. We will be doing this next stage of our lives together. (Training and heading to the same place in Uganda.)
• Just one other little thing- my littlest brother (I laugh while I write that) has willingly taken over my house and its bills. However, we have to get tenants in it for that to financially work so we are praying hard that God provides the right people.

So- if all of these pieces fall into place in God's timing we plan to head to Uganda in February 2010. Sometimes that seems so far off but other times it is only 24 weeks away!

Isaiah 41

I'm so glad God is so patient with me. I confessed my fear and them He immediately showed my just how stupid it really was. I'm placing my trust in my job?! In how I can take care of myself?! I'm fearful of losing that? Really?! Why am I placing my trust in the temporary trapping of this world when I serve the King of Eternity? And what is this life anyway? But a speck in the greater picture. What is my time here? But a breath in God's greater picture of things. I'm worried about my comfort and security for the duration of a breath?

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

What I boil this down to- "Don't be afraid. I am God." Thank you Lord for your strength. Thank you for the reminder of how misplaced my fear really is. Thank you for who you are. Amen

Fear

So... I said it out loud for the first time yesterday. I'm scared. I always knew the fear was there but it was not until I was trying to explain why I had not yet officially told my boss... I mean he knew I was planning on leaving but no dates had really been discussed. I'm scared to actually quit. I have a great job, friends at work, a good income, I really like nursing. I don't want to quit. On top of that once I quit, it is like there's no going back. Really, there is no going back anyway, this is what God has told me to do, and I really want to do it and I'm really excited- most of the time. Just once in a while I'm gripped by fear. This is no short term mission trip that I can come home from and go back to life. This will be life. And a good one, but a little scary.
So, now I'm struggling with the fear. I've promised myself- this week I will talk to my boss.

15 weeks

I had a couple of thoughts today that, like a song that plays over and over in your head, would just not leave me alone. Initially these things were like two different songs that I kept flipping back and forth between. You know, like the Kit Kat bar "Gimme a break" commercial and YMCA. But as the day progressed I couldn't stop mulling and the two became the related, then practically the same thought. Really, just more annoing than before because now I couldn't switch back and forth. So, here I am writing about it to just get it all out. Thought I started the day with:

My "to do" list. Urgent vs Important. The world lies to us all the time. It leads me to think that things that are I do are Important by confusing me with Urgent. My house is not as well kept as it should be. The world says that its appearance is important. Is it really? If Jesus were to come see my house would he look down on the fact that I have not cut my grass? Or maybe I should have spent more time just talking with my neighbor. What is actually Important? What lies have I listened to and convinced myself are Urgent? What on my to do list is actually Important? What isn't on there that actually should be? This goes around and around in my head. I don't really know the answers to these questions that I'm asking myself so I try to distract myself with another thought:

15 weeks until I leave for training. Less than 90 days really. So much to do! Everything from setting up an Executor/ Trustee of my estate (I kind of like saying that) to writing a will (really?! Like I've got anything of any value), immunization record and physical on file and a long term work visa through the Ugandan embassy and stuff into storage and stuff to go (what do you take when you are leaving for more than 2 years?!) And fundraising! Lets not even go there!15 weeks! You can see how this could go around and around in your head for a while.

See how these ideas can merge though? What am I supposed to be learning here?

Hard part

So this is the hardest part about getting ready to leave and head to Africa...
I just found out today that my brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first child! I'm going to be an aunt! I don't want to miss any of it! I want to be here to meet this new one and watch them figure out how to be parents and baby sit and be the crazy-cat-aunt and help them get in trouble and help them get out of trouble (both the kid and my siblings!) and... well you know... I want to do all of it! I don't want to be a couple thousand miles away!
God, I'll give up my house, all my comforts, I'll live where it is hard and it hurts, I'll do the work and give all I've got but I don't what to sacrifice this!

Follow Me!

Jesus called each of us to follow him.
Mark 2:14 "Follow me," Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed him.
"Follow me." He said it to me and He says it to you. But wait! He didn't say where! Or how! Or for how long! Or though what!
"Follow me." No explanation is offered. Only the command.
Following means letting someone else lead though. I like to lead, I'll just do it this time.
But this implies that I want Jesus to follow me instead. Not acceptable. And then I'm not following the command.
O.K.- you lead. I guess you know the way better than me.
"Follow me."
But where are we going? Where are you taking me? I'm afraid you will take me through unknown territory! I would just like to see your overall plan and direction for my life.

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me".

All you are asking is that I follow. I guess there is no promise to hold the map, huh?

Isiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

That is a good promise instead though. One step at a time, never alone.

But what am I to do with this one?
Matthew 10:38 and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
I have a lot to work on.....

Journey

I found myself saying a couple of times this weekend (sometimes to others, mostly to myself):

It isn't always about the destination, sometimes it's about the journey.

We crossed thorough a swamp that we could possibly have found a way around.... we climbed up and down some of the steepest dunes because we wanted to find our campsite by compass bearing instead of the path... we arrived back at the trail head by the looong way around to come from the north side instead of the south side just so we could skip stones on a small inland lake....

My right ankle is now killing me and I'm more sore than I've been since freshman track tryouts so why did we do all that stuff?
We would have missed the quiet inland lake, the biggest snake I've ever seen in the wild, hours of talking and joking as we walked, overcoming some impressive physical challenges, the fun of soaking my legs to the knee in freezing cold swamp water, and so much more if not for the journey.

So here is my deep though for the weekend. Isn't life like this too? We get so focused on the destination that we miss the joy in the journey. I do this! I'm so focused on the future that I'm missing the great adventure I'm having right now!
Worse yet we complain about the journey! Why is it so long, so hard, the climb so steep? Why can't we just take the easy path? Why do we have to start so early in the day, carry so much weight?

Father God,
Thank you for this amazing adventure you have us on! I'm so sorry when I complain or miss the point. Help us to see with your eyes how it is not always about the destination but about the journey. Please keep making us stronger and more worthy of following you.
Amen

Such a good weekend! More than just pics to follow tomorrow but a picture is worth a thousand words....