Camp

So great week at camp... in need of some serious recovery time but posts with pictures soon to follow!

Update

So, a friend pointed out to me at church today that I'm writing in this blog as if everyone knows whats going on in my life. Once I got over the shock that he was right and not everyone knows all details about my life right now, I decided it is time for a recap. Here it is for all of you amazing people out there who care about me and are praying for me and still read my mental wanderings:

• I officially work for International Teams now. They accepted me a few weeks ago and will be placing me in Soroti, Uganda for a minimum of two years- longer if that is God's plan.
• I still work for Saint Mary's but have told my boss about my leaving (a big struggle for me- see previous posts) and will continue to work there until sept.
  
• In September I will leave for 6 weeks of training in Chicago. After that training I hope to return to Saints for a few more months but that is down the road.
• My next BIG challenge is fund raising. I have to raise $30,000 for expenses for the next two years. On top of that I need $2,000 for training. All of this has to be raised before I can head to Uganda. This seems like a huge task and a huge amount but God continually reminds me I just need to trust.
  
• Most of you know Beckie Carlson but for those of you who have never had the pleasure of meeting her she is a good friend and sister to my sister-in-law Christina. We will be doing this next stage of our lives together. (Training and heading to the same place in Uganda.)
• Just one other little thing- my littlest brother (I laugh while I write that) has willingly taken over my house and its bills. However, we have to get tenants in it for that to financially work so we are praying hard that God provides the right people.

So- if all of these pieces fall into place in God's timing we plan to head to Uganda in February 2010. Sometimes that seems so far off but other times it is only 24 weeks away!

Isaiah 41

I'm so glad God is so patient with me. I confessed my fear and them He immediately showed my just how stupid it really was. I'm placing my trust in my job?! In how I can take care of myself?! I'm fearful of losing that? Really?! Why am I placing my trust in the temporary trapping of this world when I serve the King of Eternity? And what is this life anyway? But a speck in the greater picture. What is my time here? But a breath in God's greater picture of things. I'm worried about my comfort and security for the duration of a breath?

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

What I boil this down to- "Don't be afraid. I am God." Thank you Lord for your strength. Thank you for the reminder of how misplaced my fear really is. Thank you for who you are. Amen

Fear

So... I said it out loud for the first time yesterday. I'm scared. I always knew the fear was there but it was not until I was trying to explain why I had not yet officially told my boss... I mean he knew I was planning on leaving but no dates had really been discussed. I'm scared to actually quit. I have a great job, friends at work, a good income, I really like nursing. I don't want to quit. On top of that once I quit, it is like there's no going back. Really, there is no going back anyway, this is what God has told me to do, and I really want to do it and I'm really excited- most of the time. Just once in a while I'm gripped by fear. This is no short term mission trip that I can come home from and go back to life. This will be life. And a good one, but a little scary.
So, now I'm struggling with the fear. I've promised myself- this week I will talk to my boss.

15 weeks

I had a couple of thoughts today that, like a song that plays over and over in your head, would just not leave me alone. Initially these things were like two different songs that I kept flipping back and forth between. You know, like the Kit Kat bar "Gimme a break" commercial and YMCA. But as the day progressed I couldn't stop mulling and the two became the related, then practically the same thought. Really, just more annoing than before because now I couldn't switch back and forth. So, here I am writing about it to just get it all out. Thought I started the day with:

My "to do" list. Urgent vs Important. The world lies to us all the time. It leads me to think that things that are I do are Important by confusing me with Urgent. My house is not as well kept as it should be. The world says that its appearance is important. Is it really? If Jesus were to come see my house would he look down on the fact that I have not cut my grass? Or maybe I should have spent more time just talking with my neighbor. What is actually Important? What lies have I listened to and convinced myself are Urgent? What on my to do list is actually Important? What isn't on there that actually should be? This goes around and around in my head. I don't really know the answers to these questions that I'm asking myself so I try to distract myself with another thought:

15 weeks until I leave for training. Less than 90 days really. So much to do! Everything from setting up an Executor/ Trustee of my estate (I kind of like saying that) to writing a will (really?! Like I've got anything of any value), immunization record and physical on file and a long term work visa through the Ugandan embassy and stuff into storage and stuff to go (what do you take when you are leaving for more than 2 years?!) And fundraising! Lets not even go there!15 weeks! You can see how this could go around and around in your head for a while.

See how these ideas can merge though? What am I supposed to be learning here?

Hard part

So this is the hardest part about getting ready to leave and head to Africa...
I just found out today that my brother and sister-in-law are expecting their first child! I'm going to be an aunt! I don't want to miss any of it! I want to be here to meet this new one and watch them figure out how to be parents and baby sit and be the crazy-cat-aunt and help them get in trouble and help them get out of trouble (both the kid and my siblings!) and... well you know... I want to do all of it! I don't want to be a couple thousand miles away!
God, I'll give up my house, all my comforts, I'll live where it is hard and it hurts, I'll do the work and give all I've got but I don't what to sacrifice this!

Follow Me!

Jesus called each of us to follow him.
Mark 2:14 "Follow me," Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed him.
"Follow me." He said it to me and He says it to you. But wait! He didn't say where! Or how! Or for how long! Or though what!
"Follow me." No explanation is offered. Only the command.
Following means letting someone else lead though. I like to lead, I'll just do it this time.
But this implies that I want Jesus to follow me instead. Not acceptable. And then I'm not following the command.
O.K.- you lead. I guess you know the way better than me.
"Follow me."
But where are we going? Where are you taking me? I'm afraid you will take me through unknown territory! I would just like to see your overall plan and direction for my life.

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me".

All you are asking is that I follow. I guess there is no promise to hold the map, huh?

Isiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

That is a good promise instead though. One step at a time, never alone.

But what am I to do with this one?
Matthew 10:38 and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
I have a lot to work on.....

Journey

I found myself saying a couple of times this weekend (sometimes to others, mostly to myself):

It isn't always about the destination, sometimes it's about the journey.

We crossed thorough a swamp that we could possibly have found a way around.... we climbed up and down some of the steepest dunes because we wanted to find our campsite by compass bearing instead of the path... we arrived back at the trail head by the looong way around to come from the north side instead of the south side just so we could skip stones on a small inland lake....

My right ankle is now killing me and I'm more sore than I've been since freshman track tryouts so why did we do all that stuff?
We would have missed the quiet inland lake, the biggest snake I've ever seen in the wild, hours of talking and joking as we walked, overcoming some impressive physical challenges, the fun of soaking my legs to the knee in freezing cold swamp water, and so much more if not for the journey.

So here is my deep though for the weekend. Isn't life like this too? We get so focused on the destination that we miss the joy in the journey. I do this! I'm so focused on the future that I'm missing the great adventure I'm having right now!
Worse yet we complain about the journey! Why is it so long, so hard, the climb so steep? Why can't we just take the easy path? Why do we have to start so early in the day, carry so much weight?

Father God,
Thank you for this amazing adventure you have us on! I'm so sorry when I complain or miss the point. Help us to see with your eyes how it is not always about the destination but about the journey. Please keep making us stronger and more worthy of following you.
Amen

Such a good weekend! More than just pics to follow tomorrow but a picture is worth a thousand words....

Nordhouse Dunes

Headed to Nordhouse for the weekend! Don't even care the weather is supposed to be cold and wet. Don't care that my pack will weigh more than 20 pounds. Just need to get out of town and away from work for a while. I think sometimes I just need to be uncomfortable...

Riverbank Run

17.7 K (Doesn't have quite the same ring to it as 25 K but I liked it none the less). I left my house at 8:00 (instead of the 6:45 that would have been necessary had I started down town), I warmed up with a 3 mile bike ride to the park, cheered for all of the 10 K runners on the north side and made it to the 2 mile mark on the south side just in time to watch the elite runners blow past. I stretched until the 9 mile pace group came past and slipped in with the other 17,000 people streaming out of the city. The new portion of the course on O'Brian was more challenging than I expected and my calves are going to remind me of this for the next several days. Also the road was a little narrow when the front of the pack started back into town and for several miles runners are going both ways on only two lanes but not a horrible change overall. WET though!!! Nothing quite like carrying 4 extra pounds of wet cotton clothes. At mile marker 13 I dropped back out of the race. I'm content with 11 miles in 90 minutes (quick math- 10 eight minute miles and one 10 minute mile :)). I jogged slooooowly back to my bike and started to ride the 3 miles home. But somehow I had forgotten that those brake pads I put on last spring have a very fine line between damp and not working. And in the pouring rain I blew right past damp. Unfortunately that is not the only thing I blew by. The good news is I didn't hit any runners or one of the 40,000 spectators. Bad news is I bent both of my rims.... again. Oh, well. Back home in twenty minutes without out any of the crush and chaos of the end of the race downtown. I may have had to cut off 4 miles off but I saved some $$ and enjoyed myself much more. I was in a hot shower with a great post race snack half an hour after finishing. (The last several times I've been miserable for an hour while staggering through the crush of people, cold, wet and painful back to my car, waiting for the rest of traffic to clear...) Overall a fine day!

Comfortable in the center of God's will?

Ever read II Corinthinans 11? Mostly I'm talking about four verses near the end:

Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked.

These are the words of Paul- one of the greatest missionaries who every left his home for the sake of spreading the story of Jesus. Right at the beginning of Paul's ministry- only days after he stopped being Saul- God tells people how much Paul was going to suffer for him.
Now this was a guy right in the center of God's will!!! I often find myself thinking that when I'm in the center of God's will I will be the most comfortable. You know, like in the eye of the storm- I just have to travel with the storm. Stay in the center of God's will and be "untroubled", "sheltered", "comfortable". f I'm doing exactly what God asks life will be great, right? Do you find yourself thinking the same? Maybe we need to rethink this....
Paul was doing what God called him to do when he found himself in jail. He was going where God told him to go when he was shipwrecked- not once, not twice, but 3 different times. (Shipwrecked? Have you ever been shipwrecked? Was it like "The Perfect Storm" kind of wreak?) He was talking to the people God sent him to when he was beaten and left for dead... beaten to death?! When doing what God asked?!
Maybe I have it backwards. Maybe it is when I am comfortable that I am out of the will of God...I have some more pondering to do....

Heart disease

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. However the French eat a lot of fat but also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. However the Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. My conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It is speaking English that kills you.

Pig Plague

I have discovered something I like about all this ridiculousness!! I really enjoy reading other medical bloggers who are just as irritated as I am and are more verbose (and better to read). Check these out:
The life and times of an ER nurse- http://www.emergiblog.com/2009/04/livin-la-vida-latte.html
Just keep breathing- http://keepbreathing.wordpress.com/2009/04/28/on-swine-flu/

Handicapped

I was accused today of using religion as a crutch.

My faith? A crutch? I guess, actually he was right. I'm broken. I rely on my faith, on my savior to make it through each day.

why

I have begun to tell more and more people about my pending move to Africa. Because of this I find myself answering the WHY question. Now, not everyone asks it outright, though some do and it is easier to address that way, but I can tell that nearly every thinks something like it. And because "why not?" doesn't seem to be a good answer I'm processing. I suspect this will be an ongoing topic for a little while.
So:
Why am I getting rid of my house, quitting my job and moving to a place where clean drinking water is precious?

God told me to.

I may need to work on this answer a little more....

Dieing of the swine flu...

The swine flu is killing me. Not that I have a fever, cough or anything but I have so many things I want to be doing but I'm working some loooong hours instead. I can't really turn down all the extra time but I have to admit I'm getting tired of it. Urgent care is set up and staffed to see about 40 patients per day. We hit 82 one day this week. That means that I put on a gown, gloves and mask waaaaay too many times. By the end of an 8 (or 10) hour shift it feels something like this picture.

Sitting here listen to NPR... my blood pressure is climbing. The voices are discussing if the news media has handled this well. I have an opinion I would like to share.... NO!!!!

"During a typical year in the United States, 30,000 to 50,000 persons die as a result of influenza viral infection" - this is the regular flu that we have every year. So far we have had 2 deaths to this new influenza. We are over reacting just a little!

This is the news report I want to hear:
"This just in.... the swine flu is not nearly as bad as we have been reporting. If you start a fever with cough and congestion call your primary care provider. If you are otherwise healthy, stay home, rest, drink lots of fluids and YOU WILL BE FINE. Please quarantine yourself for a short time and most of all do not run out to have a flu test. It just overloads an already malfunctioning system and prevents testing of the elderly and young. Most likely you do not have the swine flu- just one of many virus going around. Please use common sense people! We will now return you to your regularly scheduled programing."

O.K. I'm done venting now. Time to go back to work.