Ummm.... so I want to be honest in this post but occasionally have a hard time being vulnerable.  O.K, starting right off not being honest. I never like being vulnerable. Or admitting weakness. But I'm pretty weak right now. I felt pretty overwhelmed when we returned from Kampala Friday evening and walked into a house that looked like a tornado hit it. Almost literally. A tree down in our yard that took a couple sections of fence and demolished the garden. We'd left in a hurry so there was rotten fruit on the table and had been days with off and on power so bad food in the fridge. My room had been ransacked (by me, looking for medical supplies and trying to pack) and my bed buried too deeply sleep on. Rachel (a wonderful teammate) had us over for dinner but while walking home in the dark we found our kitten outside the gate too injured to move. We made her as comfortable as we could but I was up again a portion of the night with her. Early Saturday we put her down. That was really hard for me to do. I'd grown a little attached.

It is amazing to me how all those little things added up and I felt so overwhelmed. There is also real spiritual fatigue that I've never experienced before. I feel like I've been calling out to God since Monday night and waiting and listening for His reply and comfort and encouragement and just not feeling it. I would ask Him what I was supposed to be doing and about all of these decisions and then not hear anything. So I would just rely on what I know and "go with my gut" but then be hit with the guilt that I'm relying on myself.  In church yesterday I realized I was just there, not engaged. Going through the motions but worse than that I was OK with it. I didn't want to engage. On top of all of that I'm still not really sleeping at night (as evidenced by the fact that I'm processing at 4 in the morning).  So rarely has this been a problem for me I don't really know how to cope.  Anyway, enough being vulnerable.

My family will be online to skype in a few minutes and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm going to plant the garden today and try not to think too much.